To not see this reminder again
I had always been associated with inability to live like other children, as other children of my age would make reasonable demands and follow through on what they had put their mind to or in rare occasions when I would be fascinated with a matter and put my mind to it, I was labeled as being too idealistic and everyone, from parents to relative, to friends, to school teachers, everyone would call it impossible, childish, or dreamy, so much so that I reached a point in life, where what I was doing, what result I could have gained from such work, and what the future success could those endeavors lead me towards, all these had no value to me, while lots of others dreaming to be in my position ... and to change such life never seemed like an option to me, yet to continue such life didn't make any sense either ...
“Jane, you are under a mistake: what is the matter with you? Why do you tremble so violently? Would you like to drink some water?”
“No, Mrs. Reed.”
“Is there anything else you wish for, Jane? I assure you, I desire to be your friend.”
“Not you. You told Mr. Brocklehurst I had a bad character, a deceitful disposition; and I'll let everybody at Lowood know what you are, and what you have done.”
“Jane, you don't understand these things: children must be corrected for their faults.”
“Deceit is not my fault!” I cried out in a savage, high voice.
“But you are passionate, Jane, that you must allow: and now return to the nursery—there's a dear—and lie down a little.”
“I am not your dear; I cannot lie down: send me to school soon, Mrs. Reed, for I hate to live here.”
“I will indeed send her to school soon,” murmured Mrs. Reed sotto voce; and gathering up her work, she abruptly quitted the apartment.
I was left there alone—winner of the field. It was the hardest battle I had fought, and the first victory I had gained: I stood awhile on the rug, where Mr. Brocklehurst had stood, and I enjoyed my conqueror's solitude. First, I smiled to myself and felt elate; but this fierce pleasure subsided in me as fast as did the accelerated throb of my pulses. A child cannot quarrel with its elders, as I had done; cannot give its furious feelings uncontrolled play, as I had given mine, without experiencing afterwards the pang of remorse and the chill of reaction. A ridge of lighted heath, alive, glancing, devouring, would have been a meet emblem of my mind when I accused and menaced Mrs. Reed: the same ridge, black and blasted after the flames are dead, would have represented as meetly my subsequent condition, when half-an-hour's silence and reflection had shown me the madness of my conduct, and the dreariness of my hated and hating position.
These days, at least, so far as I can see of the Western Culture, "passion" is not such a curse word, at least, not on the surface, as the corporate managers have realized "passion" can serve as an invisible carrot that those hamsters who see it, would run even faster and longer their dreadful, dead-end circles, so there is a lot of hype around the word "passion", until after you carve a bit beneath the surface, our ears and eyes are so full of stories that beneath the surface subtly condemn following your passion that even those who bold and brave enough to dare to do so, give up so soon that you will never hear their stories as heroes.
Jessica Reznicek and Ruby Montoya, decided to take on preventing Dakota Access Pipeline by secretly sabotaging the construction machines and pipes, while the police discovered them, just after the pipeline project despite their effort indeed was finished in their location, they revealed their identity publicly. What a shame!
In a country that needs political activists more than ever, disenfranchised activists give up on their dreams, only because their attempts can't beat up a legal entity that has millions of dollars at its disposal, and most influential members of the society as its legal owners ... to believe to able to win such an unjust battle is stupidity but to give up on trying only because you gained the result that was better than expected, in this example not getting exposed and delaying the construction by months instead of weeks, you are just accepting the pressure of the society on believing that "passion" is a sin, a dysfunctionality which has to be cured, that one needs to be disillusioned from the belief that following one's passion is the right way to live, except of course, that passion would make the pocket of the rich heavier or justify the unjust acts of the authority, in which case it deserves rewards.
I hope reading this article will provide you with a rich thought environment, to be able to see what following your passion, or the modern day equivalent, your childhood dreams, means and why it is important ... and specially in case you are one of the individuals who silently suffer from the belief that what you want is wrong or impossible, or perhaps more often than not both of them, why you should attempt to liberate yourself from it, why it is not only important for your mental and emotional and spiritual health but that any other way of life than this would ultimately be an unsuccessful one ...
There are lots of challenges, hurdles, issues, problems and etc if you live out your passion, said differently, go after realizing your childhood dreams, and we are not going to talk about all of them, the most obvious thing is that going after realizing your childhood dreams, at least so far in the society is not so widespread, so it is "different" and mostly those who live differently get scrutinize by others, to say the least, but we won't even going to talk much about that, the main people we are going to talk about throughout this article are those who rather be labeled by the society as those who "think differently" ...
Hiding and showing my passion
My father would always compare me to a sparrow, not as in some culture earning a name would mean being associated with all the positive attributes associated with that name, but to provide me a vivid examples of how in his view I'm someone who jumps from one field of interest to the other, and hence will never bring anything to finish in my life. and perhaps it never crossed his mind, that if he who spent his youth studying so hard to pass the attendance exam for medical school and failing it, could become a professional in a totally different field, perhaps for other children it would not be impossible to have some success in life, even if they don't fit his opinion of following one field of interest and becoming a master of it. To my mother, I was the child who never told what happened in school, what would be the meal he prefers to eat while complaining when the meal was ready that he dislikes it, and when I grew up I was the child who could never make decisions in his life ... To some of my friends in school I was the guy whose answer always contained a "it depends" and to some of my teachers with whom I was closer I was the guy you could always receive an "I don't know" from, if you asked his opinion or you give him the authority to decide something. To the first woman, and so far the only woman I allow to be so close to me, not only I was all these together, but as our relationship grew more intimate, I become the one who was so hard to hear what he feels about a matter, and both intellectually and emotionally I was a world of mystery and puzzles in front of her waiting to be solved. At least that was the way A. S. treated me as her departure date neared and I couldn't speak to her how much effort I put it to avoid allowing her to have much emotional attachment to me, and I couldn't tell her how painful the thought of days without her to me is, that I put all the life I had to live after that day in a black box of things not to get near them ... Our last conversation at the Airport she was so mad at me not having any answer to her question "what I want to do with my life", as if it was an act of betraying her love, as if me not having an answer to it is a destruction for any possible hope on her side that I might be an appropriate partner for her. Back then and even now after all which had happened, I never hold an objection against her for not being able to solve the puzzle, even though I tried to put lots of hints at her hand ... Once I saw behind her eyes oceans of pain, and I understood her past relationship(s) being a burden to trust any other man, so much so, that for her the idea of me being a man who cares for his wife as far as having a profession and a moderate income was enough criteria for starting a relationship ... She had told me few times that she loves her boyfriend, yet her eyes, her absolute mistrust that if one day her boyfriend is not calling him, he is probably having another woman by her side ... back then I accepted every word of her even if they were contradictory, it was only later that I understood whatever marks that past relationship had left on her, ever since she was unable to trust she is being loved ... I, in contrast, was someone who barely ever allowed anyone close to himself, so, to me, regardless of all my doubts whether it was love or not, I couldn't imagine how to live a day without her ...
... and Resolve, equally wrought up, instigated some strange expedient to achieve escape from insupportable oppression—as running away, or, if that could not be effected, never eating or drinking more, and letting myself die.
What a consternation of soul was mine that dreary afternoon! How all my brain was in tumult, and all my heart in insurrection! Yet in what darkness, what dense ignorance, was the mental battle fought! I could not answer the ceaseless inward question—why I thus suffered; now, at the distance of—I will not say how many years, I see it clearly.
I was a discord in Gateshead Hall: I was like nobody there; I had nothing in harmony with Mrs. Reed or her children, or her chosen vassalage. If they did not love me, in fact, as little did I love them. They were not bound to regard with affection a thing that could not sympathise with one amongst them; a heterogeneous thing, opposed to them in temperament, in capacity, in propensities; a useless thing, incapable of serving their interest, or adding to their pleasure; a noxious thing, cherishing the germs of indignation at their treatment, of contempt of their judgment. I know that had I been a sanguine, brilliant, careless, exacting, handsome, romping child—though equally dependent and friendless—
And so much like Charlotte Brontë's Jane Eyre, first years afterward I realized what made that relationship being so special to me that I could not even bear the thought of its absence. Since months before meeting A. S. I had started to break the path prescribed by my environment for me, even if only in disguise, secretly and in extremely moderate degrees I had started to work on things that inspired me since forever, or better said, I allowed my brain to plan on how to execute things I had in mind and always and always for one or the other reason I dismissed, once being it the final year exams, once the university attendance exam, once I had to move my location, once ...
A. S. was not only someone who did never reject or considered what I stand for and what I dream of, unworthy, ridiculous, impossible ..., even if we were at odds with each other, which we were at odds when it comes to religion, but even then she was all too careful to treat me with respect and kindness, and even in trivial matters like that of whether she feels happy about sunny days or rainy days, she would try to have a space in her heart for what I enjoyed ... and not that I've found the Earth empty of kind women that I dread to death upon her departure, in contrast, I've found women most of the time trying to shed a good light on the man they date, in some cases less so about the man they are in relationship with ... but another reason that comes to my mind that interactions between me and A. S. where unlike most other women who were interested in me, is that she being an intelligent person, she had master degree in art history and her thesis being contemporary Islamic art and most of our discussions at the beginning being on the matter ... When I was too inexperienced with people, I drove women who loved me the most, to engage in lengthy conversations and heated debates only to provide me a proof that they are capable of bringing the same joy to my life as strangers with whom I enjoyed having a conversation on a topic of our interest cause one way or the other they knew how I felt about such conversations ... and it sounds odd when someone who is not an expert in a field learns some expert vocabulary and tries to use them to have a conversation in your presence, so whether a fortunate or unfortunate coincidence, a woman with a master thesis on a subject that in some moments was partially related to me, of course, have enough intellectual ability that we keep a conversation without it turning into a ridicule of making an impression on someone you like, and in moments when my not knowing anything about art would come in the way, she was kind to close her eyes on it and it is not that we were too perfect for each other, there were moments that I really felt being unable to keep up with her, being unable to keep up with what a man who could satisfy her as a life-long companion should be capable of, and this was also partly the reason why I decided to not allow any serious romantic feelings to evolve between us, since I sensed we are getting too emotionally intimate with each other, and of course she did the same on her side, maybe we had different ideas of what actions would result in emotional attachment so didn't work all too perfectly, at the end.
While unlike Jane Eyre I did grow up with my biological parents and my biological sister and brother, the older I grew the reality that I did not belong there became harder to ignore, and taking into account that my parents were my parents and if only for the sake of all religion's teachings and the traditions I rather tried to believe we are a family, while in reality how I felt inside was never much positive than Jane Eyre ...
What if a "mental illness" is the cause?
While Charlotte Brontë never overtly comments on Jane Eyre being raped as a child, there have been efforts to understand her unique way of life, her apparent lack of self-esteem and her flirtatious with suicide thoughts in light of such event, and to be fair, if this being true about the fictional character, I would rather see me and her as having one more quality in common with one another. While I'm indeed familiar with how much such experience negatively affected other areas of my life, I am familiar with moments of being lost in a state of helplessness in presence of one or the other internal or external trigger, unlike the typical mistakes made my fake feminists, I know that this one set of experience(s), this one set of quality that results from being the victim of rape while never having the opportunity to complete the cycle of trauma, is not something that defines all that I'm, nor all my behavior, neither all my thoughts.
When your eyes wear glasses that only allow through one set of the visible spectrum of light, the result is that you won't see the whole reality:
... The fact that she loves him is secondary. ...
Jane Eyre, because of her anger, ire, and “dominance,” encouraged women to take a stand against patriarchy. The story of Jane Eyre becomes a mantra for women victims everywhere, to overcome the subjugation of patriarchy.
Fortunately, this one is a "master thesis", when it comes to less academically oriented fake feminists, the interpretations are even more off the map:
What is rape culture? It's a world where rape and sexual harassment are normalized by society. It's a world where women are expected to be the ones responsible to keep rape from happening to them. It's a world where men are told that women are prizes for them to win. It's damaging not only for women, but for men, too. Luckily, people are fighting against it. You can, too.
Unfortunately, rape culture is also present in literature. I've taken a look at six literary couples to see just how influenced they are by rape culture. Most of these couples aren't meant to be “true love”, but it's still interesting to see how they were shaped by society. Take a look:
Rochester teases Jane to the point of tears multiple times and keeps his first wife locked in the attic. Yet we're supposed to accept him as a love interest for our heroine. But the creepiest part of their relationship stems from the fact that she feels that ...
While to the more academic fake feminist commentator Jane Eyre's love for Rochester is secondary, and to the less academic fake feminist commentator Jane Eyre's relationship is a disturbed one, to say the least, which perpetuates rape culture, me being breathing "victim" of similar circumstances can't accept our internal and external struggles and endeavors in our lives being reduced to the effects that one or more men had in our childhood on our bodies without our contest ... if unlike these fake feminists you would take into account the realities of existence of men who were sexually abused by women when they were a child, it will be even harder, if not impossible to buy the narrative that being a rape victim means ultimately one's life would be the manifest of rebellion against "patriarchy". You can find an example of such tales in The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky ...
A funny irony is how these fake feminists dismiss Jane Eyre's declaration that her relationship with Rochester is indeed true love:
I have now been married ten years. I know what it is to live entirely for and with what I love best on earth. I hold myself supremely blest—blest beyond what language can express; because I am my husband's life as fully as he is mine. No woman was ever nearer to her mate than I am: ever more absolutely bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh. I know no weariness of my Edward's society: he knows none of mine, any more than we each do of the pulsation of the heart that beats in our separate bosoms; consequently, we are ever together. To be together is for us to be at once as free as in solitude, as gay as in company. We talk, I believe, all day long: to talk to each other is but a more animated and an audible thinking. All my confidence is bestowed on him, all his confidence is devoted to me; we are precisely suited in character—perfect concord is the result.
It is sadly funny that to these fake feminists, how Jane Eyre understand love is of no value, even though apparently they believe to have spent their lives on making the voice of women heard in a patriarch society and their opinion and work and abilities being valued as equal as that of men ...
I know of Jane Eyre's story because I had paid a Netflix subscription which I didn't want to and so I thought now that I paid the fee, let's use some service at least, so my life was not influenced by reading that book in my youth, yet, how I describe that most emotionally intimate relationship I had in my life is strikingly similar to Jane Eyre's description of her love:
And even if we never going to ever have contact with each other, it is hard not to say, it is A. S.'s love that enables me to get over hard times ... to continue even if I fail ... she is half of me and I cannot say „Oh, no, it was me alone who did all this.“ it doesn't matter whether we do have contact with each other in the physical world or not ... beyond what the eyes see in this world, we are connected to each other ... and for sure my existence is related to her existence ... even if we have had never met each other during our entire life, it would not have made a difference in the relationship that our existences have with one another ... In the observable level of the world, we can avoid or embrace such relationship but we can not change our existence ...
and it is worth to remember I am writing about a woman who married someone else, someone with whom I never had any remarkably similar physical exchange to that of Jane Eyre and Rochester before their marriage at the end of the book:
He kissed me repeatedly. When I looked up, on leaving his arms, there stood the widow, pale, grave, and amazed. I only smiled at her, and ran upstairs. “Explanation will do for another time,” thought I.
Even if you want to describe our urge for such intense relationships as a side-result of being the "victim" of rape in childhood, I guess description like "No woman was ever nearer to her mate than I am: ever more absolutely bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh" in Charlotte Brontë's words or my "we are connected to each other ... and for sure my existence is related to her existence" is not merely an act of rebellion against "patriarchy", nor a sort of relationship that subtly perpetuates rape culture, then if Rochester and Jane had sex, and fake feminists want to call it "rape culture perpetuation", me and A. S. never touched each other for the sake of lust, yet I use exactly similar ideas of what that relationship was about.
It is not my aim to discuss feminism or fake feminism in this article, nor to comment on effects of sexual abuse and rape in childhood, nor to discuss how one should understand and interpret works of arts, specifically literature, in reality, I hope this extreme example makes it clear to you, the reader, that even the most brutal of experiences is not necessarily an excuse to believe your unusual and intense attitudes and behaviors, or to use the correct term that your "passion" is unreal, idealistic or as these two fake feminists would call it "secondary" or "ethically wrong" ... In our days there are plenty more labels available at hand than "rape victim" to explain away all sources of "passion", being it "ADHD", "PTSD", "Asperger", "Bipolar Disorder" and the list goes on apparently with no end, while in the same time the list of what could be considered as successful treatments shrinks simultaneously. Again, the aim of this article is not to criticize the current state of ethnopsychology and psychology, while all these themes are important and worth to write and read about, what I hope this example shows you is how stupid, misleading and wrong this is to reduce all of an individual's life to psychological traits that have to be eliminated, that are abnormalities. Not that I am against diagnosing mental or emotional disorders, but to realize these psychological jargons are more often than not a modern-day alternative to Mrs. Reed's treatment of Jane Eyre, when she would tell her: "But you are passionate, Jane, that you must allow", while she is only defending her integrity and justly so.
What if being passionate is a curse
So now that we established that it is not being victims of rape that makes me and Jane Eyre behave so "mischievously"–at least as others and partly we ourselves we judge of ourselves– let's ask the question that the child Jane Eyre and the child me asked ourselves:
... I grew by degrees cold as a stone, and then my courage sank. My habitual mood of humiliation, self-doubt, forlorn depression, fell damp on the embers of my decaying ire. All said I was wicked, and perhaps I might be so; what thought had I been but just conceiving of starving myself to death? That certainly was a crime: and was I fit to die? ...
No, I am not talking about suicide, what I am referring to is the tiny little sentence "perhaps I might be so".
And no, I and a fictional character are not the only individuals on the Earth who felt like this growing up, here is how Snow White acted in one of those moments in her life:
I'm really sorry but and I'm sick of being treated like crap all the time, you know, it's not fair, how I actually treated so weird and so different, I'm sick of being treated so bad, listen, I don't know, no one's planning to stopping me on this one, I think I'm done, and I'm being serious, I'm leaving, leaving this house, I'm trying to keep it quite so my parents doesn't hear, so posting it on Facebook to let people know that I'm really sorry but I had enough, I'm really sick of people treating me like shit, I'm sick of it, I'm just tired of being a victim, I'm tried of being, I'm tried of crying, I just wanna go, I just want to be a real kid, I'm scared, I'm scared to do it … sick of people telling me that I'm worthless and that I am wired and that people don't like me. I'm sick of it, I just want to be treated like a normal kid, all I wanted was a normal life, I didn't know that it would be this bad and angry and sad and not with God, I'm done, I'm leaving and …
and unfortunately the sad reality of life for individuals like us growing up is to lose the fear and be more cool about our ultimate way-out, here is my reflections on one similar occasion:
... I even left a suicide note for someone, just to explain after my death that it was not triggered by this event or that event- you know, because some days I cannot trust my life to myself and maybe it was for the best. I mean, I spent lots of money, and beside that my parents are always sad because of me, maybe at the end for them it would have been better, for you too, I never wanted to live ...
and yes, for some of us with age it becomes easier and more evident to chose to leave with our hands:
Charlie Rose: He committed suicide at 67.
Johnny Depp: Yes.
Charlie Rose: And famously left a suicide note it is said -- I didn't see it -- that after 50, you know, almost as if, and I didn't understand that.
Johnny Depp: No, Hunter felt that he had lived like 30 years too long.
Charlie Rose: Yes, 17 at least.
Johnny Depp: He just felt that --
Charlie Rose: Or 27.
Johnny Depp: Exactly. And he was at that point -- and you know, for those of us who knew him, we knew all along that that would most likely be the way he would go. So it wasn't -- I mean it's always a shock but it wasn't that much of a shock. What it was, was just devastation because a whole universal was -- that you were connected to has been lopped off. And you know you'll never get those 3 a.m. calls any more. And there were the mad, yo know, driving through the hills in Aspen, you know, the tinkling of ice and scotch and madness, you know.
And regardless whether it is the story of individuals who aren't –at least yet so far– originators, like me or Snow White, or those who are one way or the other considered originators in their field of profession like Hunter S. Thompson and Charlotte Brontë, the thread that links us is not that of "rape victimhood" or any other mental or psychological disorder. What links our story to each other, is what we have in common to all other humans but maybe to a slightly more intensive and complex degree:
Many gifted children exhibit an inner push toward perfection which drives them to set impossible goals for themselves. They use their extremely capable conceptual abilities to imagine ambitious and detailed products, and then direct their similarly well-developed critical thinking skills to the task of tearing down their own imperfect efforts to realize their ideal. As they learn to appreciate professional work in the arts and sciences, they set professional level standards for themselves, and become impatient with the skill development which must occur before they can achieve that proficiency. Years of hearing parents and teachers say that's wonderful! to projects that do not meet the child's own high standards leads to a distrust of feedback from those sources. A child who consistently receives an A without putting forth maximum effort ceases to value that A grade as a serious measure of performance.
This perfectionism has both positive and negative aspects. In a positive form, perfectionism can provide the driving energy which leads to great achievement. The meticulous attention to detail necessary for scientific investigation, the commitment which pushes composers to keep working until the music realizes the glorious sounds playing in the imagination, and the persistence which keeps great artists at their easels until their creation matches their conception all result from perfectionism. Setting high standards is not in itself a bad thing. However, perfectionism coupled with a punishing attitude towards one's own efforts can cripple the imagination, kill the spirit, and so handicap performance that an individual may never fulfill the promise of early talent.
and the article goes on to drive on a suggestion on how to handle the dangers of perfectionism based on Carol S. Dweck and N. Dickon Reppucci, which is indeed a very intellectually appealing explanation but to put my feedback on it short, is nonsense. Here is how it supposed to work:
The inner drive to be perfect leads many gifted children to perceive themselves as failures even when external evidence indicates high level success. It is in the child's reaction to this perceived failure that the danger lies. ...
helpless children attribute their failures to stable factors, such as lack of ability, and their successes to unstable factors, such as effort or luck. Mastery-oriented children, on the other hand, attribute their successes to stable factors, such as ability, and their failures to unstable factors, such as effort or luck. When mastery-oriented children succeed, they interpret the success as diagnostic of their underlying ability. When they fail, they tend to concentrate on modifying their problem-solving strategies, rather than on analyzing reasons for failure (Diener & Sweck, 1978).
Helpless children, on the other hand, interpret failure as diagnostic of their perceived underlying lack of ability, and tend to give up, rather than to try a different strategy. Such children do not perceive success as evidence of high ability, but rather as the result of an easy task, teacher kindness, or blind luck. When their perfectionism interacts with a helpless orientation toward perceived failure, highly gifted children may exhibit lowered self-concepts and ineffective approaches to problem-solving. On the other hand, perfectionism coupled with a mastery orientation can lead to a high level of creative productivity.
Offering specific feedback on a gifted child's work, rather than global evaluations, can help direct the child's attention toward strategies for improvement without regard for failure or success. Feedback from professionals, obtained through mentor programs or special workshops, can be particularly valuable in helping a child understand the years of dedication required to become a creative professional.
You don't need a PhD. in psychology to realize this suggestion is not all too helpful. Hearing the stories of life's of gifted people and their internal thinkings, even if it being presented in the form of a fiction such as the work of Charlotte Brontë is enough to understand what makes us tick, what could make us decide to stay or leave, is not exactly our inability to interpret failures, in respect of our "perfectionism".
This article is an interesting one, because this is the best you will receive from a well-intended other, at least so far as my experience goes, if explanations and suggestions as such have been the best I've received from people ... of course, the other best type of reaction you can get from people, but this time as an adult, is to mix and mingle with the opposite sex, or to, as they would put it, to "let it loose", and I sticking with my writing so far, you know that I do value love, romantic love, exceptionally high, but what those people don't even think of while giving such suggestion is that almost all experiences with the opposite sex sooner than later become boring, to say the least, just as Hunter wrote in his suicide note " Boring". Or let's look at a better example, an example that offers some reliefs:
Look back at what our psychologist suggested to be the problem respecting the "perfectionism" of gifted children: "perfectionism coupled with a punishing attitude towards one's own efforts", "Helpless children", and the conclusion was to instill or encourage in children "strategies for improvement without regard for failure or success" ... What nonsenses!
"Good Will Hunting" is a movie based on a true story and the thing that isn't happening in this scene is any of understandings and suggestions of our psychologist, the thing that preventing Will from approaching any further with the love of his life is that "this girl is like fuckin' perfect right now, I don't wanna r--ruin that", and do you remember what was pushing Snow White to say goodbye to all people: "I just want to be a real kid", "all I wanted was a normal life", if you are familiar with the matter we aim to talk about in this article, both these stances, and to be plain with you, even mine and that of Charlotte Brontë or even the suicide note of Hunter S. Thompson, all are more or less around the similar matter, to describe it short and carelessly, that this "passion" or "childhood dreams" inside us are wrong, impossible, idealistic, unachievable and so on ...
and if you happen to disagree with me that Jane Eyre is the tale of a gifted child, and maybe like those fake feminists you believe it to be a tale of early day rebellion against patriarchy by women, that Jane Eyre understood and was more capable than children of her age is evident throughout the novel, just to have one example, look at this exchange:
“Do you read your Bible?”
“With pleasure? Are you fond of it?”
“I like Revelations, and the book of Daniel, and Genesis and Samuel, and a little bit of Exodus, and some parts of Kings and Chronicles, and Job and Jonah.”
“And the Psalms? I hope you like them?”
“No? oh, shocking! I have a little boy, younger than you, who knows six Psalms by heart: and when you ask him which he would rather have, a gingerbread-nut to eat or a verse of a Psalm to learn, he says: ‘Oh! the verse of a Psalm! angels sing Psalms;' says he, ‘I wish to be a little angel here below;' he then gets two nuts in recompense for his infant piety.”
“Psalms are not interesting,” I remarked.
“That proves you have a wicked heart; and you must pray to God to change it: to give you a new and clean one: to take away your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”
I was about to propound a question, touching the manner in which that operation of changing my heart was to be performed, when Mrs. Reed interposed, telling me to sit down; she then proceeded to carry on the conversation herself.
While to a fake feminist this exchange may appear to be one which demonstrates early attitudes of rebellion against patriarchy by the kid-Jane Eyre, beneath the surface, if you look at the exchange, regardless of how patriarch the male figure in this interaction might be, what he very early on presents to Jane Eyre is what is the perfect child, the most capable child in their view: "I have a little boy, younger than you, who knows six Psalms by heart", and the fact that he is mentioning a boy is quite irrelevant or a coincidence, the most important word in that sentence is "by heart", which translates into "we don't care if someone understands what he or she reads", while in contrast, Jane Eyre's answer is not that of an early age atheist, but that of an individual who absorbs what he or she reads before and it is based on that absorption that he or she hands over an evaluation. This is what even most adults won't do in their entire life, and it is not limited to Bible, most adults are fine to go on through life and purchase and consume the best-sellers ... and works of feminists are not an exception to this typical behavior of humans, as humans we rely on each other, and some of that reliance is intellectual and as such to a degree it is indeed healthy to accept the opinion of those who are experts and as such best-seller works of feminists gets read and sold exceptionally, even if it be a work full of nonsense. And this can happen in any field, in any time, by any gender, just as for example the article I point out from is written by a "gifted education consultant" and I guess by the time of writing it she had already a PhD, and perhaps if Charlotte Brontë was alive, she would have give a lecture to this PhD psychologist about "operation of changing my heart was to be performed", that she doesn't hold a degree or that back then in that conversation it is probably a presentation of her childhood, does not mean she be any wronger in her opinion than our academically accomplished author Wendy C. Roedell. It goes without saying that for a gifted child, knowing a book that is meant to be a guide on how to live one's life by heart without understanding it, is one of the things that their "perfectionist" oriented nature won't allow them to, saved being forced ...
We will come back to continue looking that the suggestions of Wendy C. Roedell a bit down the way, but before that, let's have a look at few more examples, this time examples with a tiny bit more hope in them, and the ones here that considered the way-out to be suicide, or at least to break from the society and people ...
The breaking point: childhood dreams and passions aren't ...
I get to know Jennette McCurdy, not herself in person, but through her work, about a year before meeting A. S., an experience that made me declare "I owe all the nice things in my life after those events to Jennette McCurdy." not as an act of justifying a debt in front of a jury but as an act of acknowledging who I am and where I am, and I don't know if it wasn't those events, when in my life I would have changed, if ever:
... What I couldn't see, was that the life I was living had nothing to do with me. The real person who I am was forced to be kept secret from anyone and in any occasion, simply because there was no place for me in life. People would have laughed at me because of my dreams, and simply there wasn't any possibility in my sight that somehow the event of the life could make it possible to pursue such goals, or at least to talk about them ...
I was extremely sad, with no cure, as if I had an illness but with no sign, cause everything in my life was absolutely normal, as any of people would have wished it for themselves [more or less], and it wasn't clear to me why I was living this way ...
... Few months later, when Jennette McCurdy published her first full album, it was as if the revolution in my mind which was started by that moment of spiritual awakening came to success.
...I cannot think of any way that I could have taken any action without Jennette McCurdy. Nobody knew, that I am interesting in filmmaking, poetry and etc. and yet I would spent lots of times thinking of these, and not even considering that it is possible to do them … The first time I wrote a poem down it was after that kind of spiritual awakening like moment because of Jennette McCurdy. ...
There is a long story and the shift from the belief that my "passion" is wrong, useless, bread-less, evil, and so on, to making the effort to break out of the external environment and the emotional and mental state that perpetuated that belief is not a task to be completed over a single night, if you happened to have lived such life till your adulthood, and so it was harder than ever to steer in any direction, not to mention to stand up after each failure, as not only there was no one to support me, but that all my experiences in life happened to be of little use, all my life was about satisfying other's expectations and without driving myself crazy. and in case you have lived a similar life, I can't guarantee you will have it any easier than me, and this is not the purpose of this article, what matters is to see there is no other good way than to follow your "passion" or your "childhood dreams", and knowing Jennette McCurdy, made me realize the world of my dreams, and passion that has been with me since childhood and the world in which I lived and was appreciated, admired, respected don't have to be two separate worlds. That I guess is not a bad way to put that moment of spiritual awakening into few words ...
Jennette McCurdy being such individual to my life, it was a great shock to me reading her happy new year note for the year 2017:
Ever since I was a little bean/child, I loved this time of the year. A fresh start was never an elusive concept to me. It was something tangible and inspiring - a clear and helpful benchmark of life. An opportunity to reflect on the past and imagine the possibilities of the future.
Kid-me loved making resolutions that were near impossible to achieve. I'd set my sights high, often on goals or dreams that I couldn't control, and shortly into the year I would fall short and feel disappointed in myself. I'd get self-critical and upset. ‘What's the matter with me?!' I'd think. ‘How could I fail at a goal of pogo-sticking 500 times without falling??? (note: this was not a real goal although I kind of wish it was hahah). It got to the point where I would feel nervous making my new year's resolutions because, before even writing the resolutions down, a part of me doubted that I could make them happen. Yikes. If this is anything like you, please read on, as I think I've got something that may help you out.
The past few years, I've tried a new tactic. I've used the new year as a time to express gratitude for all the great things in my life. Starting from a place of appreciation lends a comforting feeling of peace, and then from there, it's much easier for me to mentally clarify my authentic personal goals and dreams in an articulated way that gives me a feeling of excitement and not a feeling of defeat. The way I've started my new year recently versus all the years beforehand is a night and day difference.
Here's how you do it:
Think about your past year, month by month, and write a few general memories that come to mind for each month. Write down things that pushed you, that you learned from, that tested you, that excited you, that made you laugh, etc. All positive stuff!
Now pick out your 3 top highlights of the year, the things that stand out the most to you. The things that informed your personal growth the most. My top highlights:
Now sit and be thankful. For a minimum of 10 minutes. Just let that feeling envelop you. It's so nice!
Now think about your new year and all the positive things you want from it. The things you want to feel, the people you want to spend time with, the memories you want to make, the quality you want to experience. Get as creative as you want with this. Don't limit yourself! An important note that helps me with this is to set your sights on things that bring you a feeling of excitement versus a feeling of stress. If writing down a resolution is making you stressed and not excited, it's probably not worth your time.
I hope you're happy this year!
Putting it like this, it almost sounds like Jennette McCurdy has made an improvement in her life, and if you pay attention to Wendy C. Roedell's suggestion for parents and educators of gifted children, her improvement is a strikingly similar one, and before getting any further, let me say I am the guy who calls Jennette McCurdy like this "one of those starts, that knowing someone like her has lived in the world is comforting, is enough to have a hope in the existence of human being, is one of those who inspires you of living in this world ...", so I'm by far more eager than [perhaps] anyone, to praise her, or you may call it, "to bombard her with compliments" if you are one of those fake feminists who can't imagine a male being capable of playing any other role than that of a patriarch in relation to a woman.
There is a lot that can be said about this suggestion, for example personally I gave up on the idea of new year resolution one or two years ago as I realized this way my life can't work, I slowly even giving up on the idea of planning things in time, and rather instead putting priorities and trying to complete high priority tasks, because to me life appeared to be more like of a homework that needs to be completed, so while doing things before a deadline is important, on the other hand, even if you miss a deadline there is no escape from that task, if you wish to arrive at that point in life, I mean, unlike school, it is not that if you don't hand in a homework, you may only lose a point and still path the year and nobody caring about the point you missed when you grow up, in life, even things as simple as first time you asked a girl number with an eye on dating her, or something like learning what that word means in English, if I don't do it at the same time when other people do such stuff, for example about asking a number when you are an adolescent, or about the meaning of a word, when you are at certain level of ESL at the school, by missing those perceived "deadlines" nothing special will happen in life, only that you have to carry out those tasks later time in life. I don't mean to renounce calendar or planning, but I hope this makes it clear that about certain tasks and for certain professions or lifestyles, a timetable in a calendar that will expire by the year-end will have no value, for example in my case, about the article I write on The Lost Ideas Lab Journal, I usually found myself, even if I miss the perceived deadline for writing down and publishing those thoughts and ideas, as long as nobody else has done a better job than what I had in mind, what I had to say, need to be said, just as in this example that even though it is about a year past the initial date that I had in mind to finish the critic on Wendy C. Roedell's article and more than half a year past the beginning of the year when I decided to write something about Jennette McCurdy's text, following Jennette McCurdy on social media and few other individuals around me, brought me back to writing down this text, as soon as I was free of other obligations ... So whether to have a new year resolution and how, would be a very personal choice, but I doubt such thing would work for most gifted individuals, especially the ones who value creativity ...
But in the background of Jennette McCurdy's social media updates in recent months, this post gets a worrisome meaning. The contrast between how she describes her childhood's reaction and her newly found reaction to the new year is rather a telling one:
Ever since I was a little bean/child, I loved this time of the year. A fresh start was never an elusive concept to me. It was something tangible and inspiring - a clear and helpful benchmark of life. ...
.. and then from there, it's much easier for me to mentally clarify my authentic personal goals and dreams in an articulated way that gives me a feeling of excitement and not a feeling of defeat. ... The things you want to feel, the people you want to spend time with, the memories you want to make, the quality you want to experience. Get as creative as you want with this. Don't limit yourself! An important note that helps me with this is to set your sights on things that bring you a feeling of excitement versus a feeling of stress ...
Let's make it clear here that my point of disagreement with Wendy C. Roedell is not about the idea that one has to have strategies to achieve one's visions or dreams, nor I disagree with Jennette McCurdy's idea, if we generalize it to the point that it is necessary to acknowledge and celebrate successes before moving forward and setting a new milestone to achieve for oneself, this is really necessary and helpful, and I would also recommend to not do it alone, but with individual(s) to whom your success matters, but as said I believe Wendy C. Roedell's suggestion is nonsense and for the same reason I find Jennette McCurdy's text worrisome, let's look at a real-life example to understand better what I mean:
and it is not only Chomsky who has such view about his ideas from childhood and youth, lots of successful gifted individuals, or as called by the society geniuses share the similar backgrounds, flourishing what had started in their childhood, whether being it only in their mind because their environment restricted them from any expression of their thoughts, to some degree like that of Jane Eyre, or whether they lived in an environment that allowed them such or at least left them to their own.
The most exaggerated and comical version of this link between childhood and professional adulthood of gifted children is depicted by Wes Anderson's The Royal Tenenbaums.
My emphasize on childhood dreams and the relationship to one's profession in adulthood is not to suggest one has to ultimately follow a child's understanding or visions about the world.
One of the things that is fairly easy to observe in the examples I've told so far, especially when told in this manner, is that what matters is how that child is accepted and love with his or her "dreams" or "passion", what made the relationship between me and A. S. different than anyone else was her enthusiasm, her compassion for what I wished to do, for what interested me, for what would make my mind or heart busy, in contrast to condemnations I received all life long for any little sign of those being visible to others. Just like the latest example mentioned from Jane Eyre, those condemnations weren't all in form of directly telling me what I'm doing is wrong, more often than not my parents would tell me the stories of how other children are successful and be indifferent to what mattered to me, I'm not talking as an adult who wishes to earn the never earned praise of his parents, just as Jane Eyre, internally I never cared about their evaluation of me, the world inside me did have any place for the nonsense of my parents, as long as I could recognize that those statements were nonsense, which as a child it is not always easy to realize that your parents are wrong ... but even as a child, and up to a few months ago, it was always important aspect of my personal life to have an emotional connection to my parents, there were lots of reasons told to me why one have to have an emotional connection to his or her parents, so I wasn't always a child desperate for their love –even though internally I was always empty of love without understand it–, I freely acted to have their good opinion of me, because I believed this is the right thing to do in life.
Partly, it was very hard for me to distinguish any of A. S.'s reactions to me from the deepest and most sincere love in one's life because I've never been met with such responses if I were following my passion. and it took me a lot of people observing and experimenting till I could grasp and till I could accept, my parents never loved me, not that I felt any different about the past, or that I finally discovered something about my parents that I didn't know before, it was only a matter of evaluating my experiences and perhaps added to that the fear of if my parents never loved me, and my life being empty of any friends of lover, what would be left, to live? For the first part of the reasons, I needed to grow up and having knowing enough about love, parenting, relationships, and emotions. Perhaps Charlotte Brontë puts them better in words:
Children can feel, but they cannot analyse their feelings; and if the analysis is partially effected in thought, they know not how to express the result of the process in words
For the second parts of reasons I needed a ground, I needed the presence of some degree of humanly love in my life to not collapse with such awareness and I've seen human brain's extreme abilities to handle situations, in order to preserve the emotional health, in absence of any love, I learned to use imagination for presence of such love in life since childhood to avoid such collapse, and interestingly enough, I discovered to having shared this method with Jane Eyre too:
To this crib I always took my doll; human beings must love something, and, in the dearth of worthier objects of affection, I contrived to find a pleasure in loving and cherishing a faded graven image, shabby as a miniature scarecrow. It puzzles me now to remember with what absurd sincerity I doated on this little toy, half fancying it alive and capable of sensation. I could not sleep unless it was folded in my night-gown; and when it lay there safe and warm, I was comparatively happy, believing it to be happy likewise.
Unlike the wrong belief of the aforementioned fake academic feminist, our brain enables us to treat the trauma of being of physical or emotional victimhood afterward, that may be a few hours later, or few years or even decade(s) later in life, of course to benefit from this built-in potential there are lots of conditions and expertise required, but it means that reducing all aspect of Jane Eyre's intellectual abilities and emotional sensitivity to being victim of rape in her childhood, is bullshit.
A prerequisite to being able to fulfill your potential in adulthood regardless of your level of giftedness is to have the experience of being loved for who you are, with your passion as a child. Not being the child of [psychological] parents who would tell you, because you are valuable as a human, you should drop your passion, because they will lead you to destruction. That was the attitude that Jane Eyre received from her psychological parent and her environment, a lesser intensive degree of the same attitude was what I understood from my environment and how Snow White reflected on her environment, remember her cry for wanting a normal childhood, was not a declaration to abandon her passion but to be appreciated with her passions just like other kids does, instead of constantly being criticized or being deprived of affection by others, if she happens to live out her odd behavior. and what makes Jennette McCurdy's text worrisome to me, is that her introduction to her childhood's view is not that of an individual who accepts and identifies her intensity, complexity and drive as gifts, but rather as causes of misery and listening to their voice would be to buy-out prophecies of failure in advance, and her suggestion is also worrisome, let's look at once again:
Now think about your new year and all the positive things you want from it. The things you want to feel, the people you want to spend time with, the memories you want to make, the quality you want to experience. Get as creative as you want with this. Don't limit yourself!
The only hopeful sign there is the sentence "don't limit yourself" besides that if the only thing you put your focus on is your imagination about these three categories: "people you want to spend time with, the memories you want to make, the quality you want to experience", it sort of look like forgetting all your passion, as "people, memories and experiences" are not a substitute for following your passion. I don't believe the Right Brothers concentrated about these three while trying to make a flying machine, nor do I think Elon Musk thought of the same three categories when starting Tesla Motors and Space X, about Space X specifically his perception was that it is very likely going to fail, but a try will, if nothing, be a contribution to bring the humanity advancement in the technology, and initially his idea was to buy the rockets from Russia, or better said to buy the technology developed by USSR, following one's passion requires to constantly change the people you have to work with, to constantly rethink the path you have to take, to constantly give up on the experiences you thought you are going to make on the way, and that's why to me Jennette McCurdy's suggestion instead of being one that will lead to success sounds like one that comes from the state of not being loved while being gifted and hence denouncing your passion, denouncing your drive, complexity and intensity of intellect and emotions, and as we saw in the example, individuals who stay in situations like these for a long enough period of time, end-up with dream destructing themselves ...
and the rest of her last paragraph only reinforces my worry:
An important note that helps me with this is to set your sights on things that bring you a feeling of excitement versus a feeling of stress. If writing down a resolution is making you stressed and not excited, it's probably not worth your time.
These days everyone has heard it one way or the other that apparently, all the good things in life are outside of your comfort zone, but it is hard to step out of your comfort zone, unless you're being loved and the odds are that remaining in your comfort zone is only one of the two strategies that individuals who live a life empty of real love chose for themselves, the other is to risk it all in any possible occasions, to treat their life as being of less value, and to give into all forms of oppressions and abuse, and it won't be hard to find both these patterns in the behavior of people who aren't really loved in different aspects of their lives, and I'm not talking about exclusively about romantic love, nor you should confuse love with being in a relationship. Real love by its sheer presence makes provides people with the confidence to risk and step out of their comfort zone, not least because their failure won't automatically translate into being of no value, the existence of love provides the 24/7 proof that they are loved, and therefore of value, in the same time love also illuminates the possibility of risking one's life, or subjugating oneself to oppression and abuse, not least because you are not only accountable towards yourself but also towards your beloved & lover, and that additional accountability provides enough motivation to even proactively seek growth and development, and take care of your emotional, mental and physical health, so it should come as no surprise that love by those who understand it is often considered as an elixir to cure all sorts of diseases, or at least help you through all sorts of hardship.
Hopefully so far it is clearer for you what I'm referring to when talking about "passion" or "childhood dreams", and hopefully you are familiar with some typical patterns in which individuals due to external or internal reasons, happen to be unable to deal with their passion, sometimes being it to denounce it, sometimes being it to pretend that they don't exist, and sometimes being because of the belief that are evil or impossible, never even think about how they could be achieved, and in most of these circumstances those individuals never question themselves and are often unable to fight for their liberation lonely, so why is this so?
Analyze of Wendy C. Roedell's suggestion
Now that we have come so far I think, there is enough background introduced to be able to discuss the passage from Wendy C. Roedell's article. Roedell's article is broken into eight segments "uneven development, perfectionism, adult expectations, intense sensitivity, self-definition, alienation, inappropriate environments and role conflict", but I picked only the "perfectionism" part because this is the one closest to the concept of "passion".
I believe Ms. Roedell's mistakes begin with choosing the term "perfectionism", as perfection is something we only attribute to the God's work and the general perception is to consider humans and hence human's works not flawless. While choosing such term, of course, Ms. Roedell is not a fake psychologist, so she is familiar with gifted children, so she understands while gifted children seek higher levels of achievement that average gifted children they are also capable of recognizing more flaws in their achievements than an average gifted child would, and in case you don't mix the idea of "perfectionism" into this reality, this is a perfectly natural and healthy design feature of humans with any degree of giftedness.
Wendy C. Roedell's suggestion on how to eliminate dangers of perfectionism in gifted children for parents and educators if considered on its own is not all too bad a suggestion:
Offering specific feedback on child's work, rather than global evaluations, can help direct the child's attention toward strategies for improvement without regard for failure or success. Feedback from professionals, obtained through mentor programs or special workshops, can be particularly valuable in helping a child understand the years of dedication required to become a creative professional.
And you will be able to hear similar suggestions in general textbooks on management, which again is not all too wrong, to be honest, as an employee or even as a business, creator or freelance professional, one rather hear a detail feedback that would provide them insights for improvements of their works or products and services than vague praises or condemnation, the issue that makes me call Wendy C. Roedell's suggestion's nonsense is the fact that gifted children and adults battle with suicide inclinations and all other sorts of complications which are partly related to their quality of being excessively passionate and all is there to be understood about this quality and offered about is that one needs feedback from those who understand better? To believe no other human being could have been able to figure out such grandiose solution to a problem that leads the brightest minds in the society to take their own lives or at least, to die slowly through different sorts of addictions is a mockery of human nature, not to mention the hassle of being certified as a PhD, so one can sell such grandiose suggestions as "knowledge" or sometimes "science". Okay, let's not forget the work is more than 30 years old, and we are only examining because this solutions and solutions of this kind are all over the place, while most of them never even touch the core of the issue, not to think of being a real solution to any problem. and too often than not good-hearted individual buy these solutions, not least, as Jennette's text suggested: "set your sights on things that bring you a feeling of excitement versus a feeling of stress".
Wendy C. Roedell's solution is perfectly easy, just as her description of the problem. In first sight, it makes perfect sense to think
... then direct their similarly well-developed critical thinking skills to the task of tearing down their own imperfect efforts to realize their ideal. As they learn to appreciate professional work in the arts and sciences, they set professional level standards for themselves, and become impatient with the skill development which must occur before they can achieve that proficiency.
However, in real life, just because a human being is able to imagine something does not necessarily result in them being impatient for having it, and ending up with all sorts of difficulties. For generations human beings traveled on Earth without the help of machines, yet humans dreamed of being able to travel like many other animals, on see, and on the air, and in our area to travel across planets, but did this dream ever resulted in impatience, a sort of impatience that gifted children end up question themselves whether to commit suicide or not?
I know from myself that I can be impatience too, but that impatience on itself has never been the sole contributor to my hopelessness, more often than not the kind of impatience that I could not accept and was hard to deal with, has been forced upon me from external for with just reason. For example when because of political games in our school the course I wanted to take was cancelled and of course no-one would dare to say it was because Mr X and Mr Y had an argument and wished to settle their power over each other that I can't attend that course, as a student we had to hear bullshit stories about why this costs the school too much or etc and etc ... or the other time when I couldn't accept to live with the impatience was in Germany when I had to pass a full year in courses that I in some of them I in some aspects I knew even more than the teacher, only because it was requested by the regulations for entering a university. Teachers didn't disagree that in those areas I was the best student of the whole years, neither my grades undermined it, but I couldn't imagine wasting my time by re-listening to what I've already listened to for years, neither I could accept with myself to cheat on the class and do other stuff during the lecture. After 6 months of such experience I was emotionally devastated in the battle of forcing myself to such living conditions, I mean in my short insignificant life such examples are numerous, imagine how it is for other gifted adults and children ... I've seen gifted children's adulthood who settled for professions with much lower pay, with extremely lower social status, with extremely more boring opportunities and challenges, only because they were not able to realize any other alternative to their lives with the current social and economic and political and in some cases religious conditions. These people are huge wasted opportunity costs for the society, to say the least, but the child-me or the child-Snow White or the child-Jane Eyre who thought about suicide for being unable to realize any of our dreams and ideas, did not consider such solution out of impatience resulting from our orientation towards perfectionism, we thought of this as the only way out because we could not find any mean to liberate the unjust circumstances forced upon us that prevented us from realizing any dream, and to be forced to accept the non-loving or cruel behaviors of others as a result of our passion, as a just reward for who we are, we deserved it, so is the explanation of the society, the environment, the parents to us.
I well remember moments when I was disappointed in my abilities as a human being, when I was disappointed for how limited human beings abilities are, I well remember that I wished to be born at least 2000 years later, if the science could grow at the same pace, because they were lots of studies that I wished scientists had worked on, so I could have access to their results and make my own understanding of the world and universe on top of them, and this is 2000 years! One may call this impatience, but to me living with such naturally forced limitations and restrictions had never any contribution to think about suicide. Just as for humans who traveled on horse, the fact that airplane was yet not invented was probably no-one's reason who killed him or herself. Just as it sounds ridicules to believe so, it also sounds ridiculous to believe gifted children's impatience is on itself a contributor to their misery or as Wendy C. Roedell puts it a "vulnerability". The vulnerability that Wendy C. Roedell is actually giving examples about without mentioning it, is the vulnerability of gifted children to injustice forced upon them by the society, respecting being passionate, here is one of her examples:
Years of hearing parents and teachers say that's wonderful! to projects that do not meet the child's own high standards leads to a distrust of feedback from those sources. A child who consistently receives an A without putting forth maximum effort ceases to value that A grade as a serious measure of performance.
I've written here and there on the matter of school system and education and not rarely with the focus on giftedness, so no need to go into further detail here, but it is worth to mention that school is only the beginning of the troubles. The death-pill for gifted individuals that forces them to death because of their quality of being passionate, is the economics in our society and its underlying ethics. Nothing of value is produced without being part of conglomerate or states agencies, both of which are systematically evil, and I'm not talking about North Korea or Iran, the same is true even about the United States and the effects of such are extremely hard to disseminate from any activity if you live in any of modern-day societies. Just a personal example from me:
I was younger than 15, when I first visited to RoboCup Champion and refused to work on the team of my classmates interested in the matter, because I believe the technology to have one main use: soldiers. Nobody cares about making robots who play professional football against humans –the professional sports themselves are only to distract the mass and build disobedient citizens ... and a few years later that group of my classmates won the national prize and went for international champions and few times in my life, when I've been severely doubted by people or institutes, I wished had acted differently, that I had some certificate to demonstrate that I know computer programming, that I learned machine learning and artificial intelligence and all other regrets, but to be honest we are slowly reaching the point where more and more machines being used in battlefields. Beginning from drones. and with all the opportunities I missed in my life, I rather never contributed to introducing such evil to human kind ...
And it is not only me who suffered from all activities in the fields of electronic and computer programming being secretly designed to enhance military mights, at least initially, often gifted individuals, who are not evils themselves, would act similarly.
And of course I'm not the only human in our societies who reject opportunities that they yearn and dreamed to have only because of the system, take the based on true story example of Good Will Hunting:
WILL: So, why do you think I should work for the National Security Agency?
NSA AGENT: Well, you'd be working on the cutting edge. You'd be exposed to the kind of technology that you wouldn't see anywhere else because we've classified it. Super string theory, chaos math, advanced algorithms...
NSA AGENT: Well, that's one aspect of what we do.
WILL: Oh, com'on, I mean, that is what you do. You guys handle 80 percent of the intelligence workload. You're seven times the size of the CIA.
NSA AGENT: We don't like to brag about that, Will. So, the way I see it, the question isn't Why SHOULD you work for the NSA? The question is: Why shouldn't you?
WILL: Why shouldn't I work for the NSA? That's a tough one. But I'll take a shot. Say I'm working at the NSA, and somebody puts a code on my desk, somethin' no one else can break. Maybe I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself, cus' I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in... North Africa or the Middle East and once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels are hiding... Fifteen hundred people that I never met, never had no problem with get killed. Now the politicians are sayin', "Oh, Send in the marines to secure the area" cus' they don't give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number got called, cus' they were off pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some kid from Southie over there takin' shrapnel in the ass. He comes back to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, cus' he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile he realizes the only reason he was over there in the first place was so that we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And of course the oil companies used the little skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices. A cute little ancillary benefit for them but it ain't helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. They're takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, of course, maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and fuckin' play slalom with the icebergs, it ain't too long 'til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So now my buddy's out of work. He can't afford to drive, so he's walking to the fuckin' job interviews, which sucks because the shrapnel in his ass is givin' him chronic hemorrhoids. And meanwhile he's starvin' cus' every time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special they're servin' is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what did I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. I figure fuck it, while I'm at it why not just shoot my buddy, take his job, give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected President.
I don't wish to expose individuals here, but I know more than one physicist, mathematician, chemist, in person, who rejected such offers while we were living in the same environment ...
But that's only about natural sciences, you may think the fate of gifted individuals in fields of arts and literature are any different, as this article is not a critic of the social system, just one example:
Charlie Rose: Most people would say that, if you'd wanted to be a -- and maybe you are, I don't quite understand these terms -- but, if you'd wanted to be a ''leading man'' in the traditional way, it was yours there for the taking. And you didn't want that.
Johnny Depp: I think-- I think any actor, given a certain amount of success or given a certain amount-- you know, somebody hands you the ball you run with it. Any actor could do that. But I-- It's not me. It wasn't me. I mean, my heroes are, you know, Lon Chaney is one of my-- one of my heroes, one of the greatest character actors of all time. I prefer-- I aspire to be thought of as a character actor or to be a character actor. I think that's much more interesting.
Charlie Rose: Do you think you'll be successful in that? Or the way the system works will just grab you and make you, you know, into whatever despite? In other words, it's a little bit like James Dean may have said, ''I don't want to be whatever.'' I don't know. But, you know? But the system is gonna take it because it's so appealing in some ways.
Johnny Depp: Well, the system-- the industry-- I was on a television series for three or four years. About four seasons. And I was, without question, a product. Not my own product. I was somebody else's product. And they shoved me down the throats of America, and it was a very uncomfortable situation. And I swore to myself that, when I got off that show, I would do what I wanted the way I wanted to do it. So-- and I stick to that-- I mean, I-- If I had to do the leading-man things just to-- just to continue to be an actor, to continue to work, nah, I'd rather-- I'd rather go back to pumping gas.
Charlie Rose: Really?
Johnny Depp: Yeah. Definitely. I mean, look at it. As I said, it's a great job. It's one of the best jobs I've ever had, but -- I mean -- there are other things.
Charlie Rose: Can't you do both?
Johnny Depp: I can't-- I don't want to--
Charlie Rose: I mean, it would be so distasteful that you wouldn't want to do it?
Johnny Depp: I just don't want to go out and make Hallmark card-- film Hallmark cards. You know? And I just-- I just don't see the point. If something's been done a million times, why do it again? Try something different, you know? Just try it. I mean, the worst -- you get shot down. But-- At least you tried.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Johnny Depp would have rather "pumping gas" than being a famous actor but the product of someone else, and sincerely the problem is not the fake "perfectionism" term, just as Johnny Depp points out " Try something different, you know? Just try it.", most gifted children would be satisfied if we just don't take away this opportunity from them, but we do, both as parents, educators and as the society and as part of the system ... and the same fate is for gifted adults, and remember Johnny Depp knows nothing about giftedness or the fact that I'm writing a critic to the article by Wendy C. Roedell, at least that moment in time, he was there and was being interviewed about his movie "Sleepy Hollow" by Tim Burton. I mean these are real people, telling real stories and if you are an asshole and rather take the easier path, yes, it is easy to label these people and what they aspire as "perfectionist" and don't question the role you play in their misery but rather consider it being a problem inside them.
Of course me, Snow White, Jane Eyre and many other gifted would rather die or kill ourselves than accepting such life, just as Johnny Depp would rather "pomp gas" and now that we are speaking of this example let's mention another typical reaction.
Majority of people display no sign of discomfort being part of the system, most of them never even realize why what they are doing is wrong, or if they are at too high ranks, they find enough fake justifications to lie to themselves and be satisfy about it, and I know few individuals like Jennifer Lawrence or Wes Anderson who at least from their personal perspective "do both", but typically gifted individuals can't compromise their moral, it might be that they have flawed morals, or parts of their morals is wrong and they don't recognize it, but they won't be able to compromise it, just as Johnny Depp responds to Charlie Rose "I can't-- I don't want to--" and the same was my condition when I was in College of Technical University of Berlin, I love to be in university and with best of people in every field, but I couldn't continue compromising myself, only to at the end being allowed to pick a field in an engineering degree, while there is a lot that concerns me and engineering is not part of it, unless needed. and I do believe gifted individual, specially gifted children, and young adult make lots of mistakes in this respect, as often those around them in order to make them accept the "best" option, the option that any other child would have flown in the sky if they were allowed to chose it, they take away the child ability to think of alternatives, they try to present them with all kind of stories and facts and details why doing anything other than this wouldn't lead them where they wish to me, and moments like these cause extreme defects on a child or young adults life.
Most gifted individuals find the whole world being their enemy if they wish to follow their passion, and the best that I ever received from others in those moments were suggestions like "do both" and I took those suggestions in respect of lots of different aspects of my life, only to end in dead-ends and swear to those whom I accept their advice, because they would present themselves to me as individuals who love me and care for me. After years of living with the idea of "doing both" and realizing that this never works, I slowly started to not obey the advice of those "loving" friends and relatives and the short-term result was those who "loved" me, would break all contact and support from me, because by not obeying their advice I had betrayed their love. While all nearly all relationships with emotional background in my life have been of this kind, the weeks and months when the abuse in this art of relationship came to my consciousness, if it wasn't because I knew of one or other gifted individuals who are alive, I would have disavowed living among humans once and for all, and to be sincere, ever since my life has often empty of human's presence ..., a real-life example of such reactions can be found in the real story behind that the movie Into to the Wild is based on. Christopher McCandless breaks all the connection with his parents after the graduation upon the discovery that he was never loved by his parents, and decides to live a life without humans, a decision that becomes his path to suicide while in the last moments realizing all he wished for was love or as one of the last sentences in his notebook reveals: "HAPPINESS ONLY REAL WHEN SHARED." and indeed his slow suicide journey changed those who harmed him for the better:
In the nine months since Chris' disappearance, my parents went through enormous changes. Guilt was giving way to pain. And pain seemed to bring them closer. My father had humbled dramatically. And what had always been a sort of curt arrogance, the kind of man who actually thought he could cancel Christmas, had given way to the vulnerability of a father's heart. Even their faces had changed. It made me sad that I couldn't share with Chris the new closeness I felt toward our parents.
If this gifted people with good hearts, even their journey to death have to have positive impacts on others, alas that those who harmed them realize their worth never, and see their quality of "passion" as a cause of trouble, and indeed it is a cause of trouble for others, but only because of their wrongdoings ...
Individuals who had such impacts in my life are plenty, and even though I don't live in the wild, since a while now, I can't answer my parents calls, we talk maybe once a few weeks ... of course, individuals who abuse you like this would tell you, "you will love us later in life for what we did for you", and I know by now this line to be true about some people in my life, but those people weren't the ones who prevent me from following my passion, rather the ones who encouraged me and secretly pushed me to follow my passion, even if I hold strong objections towards it, because I grew up believing my passions were wrong, impossible, useless ...
Understanding the real reasons for being treated such
and I believe there is a point in how interactions between Jane Eyre and Mrs. Reed ends in Charlotte Brontë's writing worth to mention here:
Well did I remember Mrs. Reed's face, and I eagerly sought the familiar image. It is a happy thing that time quells the longings of vengeance and hushes the promptings of rage and aversion. I had left this woman in bitterness and hate, and I came back to her now with no other emotion than a sort of ruth for her great sufferings, and a strong yearning to forget and forgive all injuries—to be reconciled and clasp hands in amity.
The well-known face was there: stern, relentless as ever—there was that peculiar eye which nothing could melt, and the somewhat raised, imperious, despotic eyebrow. How often had it lowered on me menace and hate! and how the recollection of childhood's terrors and sorrows revived as I traced its harsh line now! And yet I stooped down and kissed her: she looked at me.
“Is this Jane Eyre?” she said.
“Yes, Aunt Reed. How are you, dear aunt?”
I had once vowed that I would never call her aunt again: I thought it no sin to forget and break that vow now. My fingers had fastened on her hand which lay outside the sheet: had she pressed mine kindly, I should at that moment have experienced true pleasure. But unimpressionable natures are not so soon softened, nor are natural antipathies so readily eradicated. Mrs. Reed took her hand away, and, turning her face rather from me, she remarked that the night was warm. Again she regarded me so icily, I felt at once that her opinion of me—her feeling towards me—was unchanged and unchangeable. I knew by her stony eye—opaque to tenderness, indissoluble to tears—that she was resolved to consider me bad to the last; because to believe me good would give her no generous pleasure: only a sense of mortification.
I felt pain, and then I felt ire; and then I felt a determination to subdue her—to be her mistress in spite both of her nature and her will. My tears had risen, just as in childhood: I ordered them back to their source. I brought a chair to the bed-head: I sat down and leaned over the pillow.
“You sent for me,” I said, “and I am here; and it is my intention to stay till I see how you get on.”
“Oh, of course! You have seen my daughters?”
“Well, you may tell them I wish you to stay till I can talk some things over with you I have on my mind: to-night it is too late, and I have a difficulty in recalling them. But there was something I wished to say—let me see—”
The wandering look and changed utterance told what wreck had taken place in her once vigorous frame. Turning restlessly, she drew the bedclothes round her; my elbow, resting on a corner of the quilt, fixed it down: she was at once irritated.
“Sit up!” said she; “don't annoy me with holding the clothes fast. Are you Jane Eyre?”
“I am Jane Eyre.”
“I have had more trouble with that child than any one would believe. Such a burden to be left on my hands—and so much annoyance as she caused me, daily and hourly, with her incomprehensible disposition, and her sudden starts of temper, and her continual, unnatural watchings of one's movements! I declare she talked to me once like something mad, or like a fiend—no child ever spoke or looked as she did; I was glad to get her away from the house. What did they do with her at Lowood? The fever broke out there, and many of the pupils died. She, however, did not die: but I said she did—I wish she had died!”
“A strange wish, Mrs. Reed; why do you hate her so?”
“I had a dislike to her mother always; for she was my husband's only sister, and a great favourite with him: he opposed the family's disowning her when she made her low marriage; and when news came of her death, he wept like a simpleton. He would send for the baby; though I entreated him rather to put it out to nurse and pay for its maintenance. I hated it the first time I set my eyes on it—a sickly, whining, pining thing! It would wail in its cradle all night long—not screaming heartily like any other child, but whimpering and moaning. Reed pitied it; and he used to nurse it and notice it as if it had been his own: more, indeed, than he ever noticed his own at that age. He would try to make my children friendly to the little beggar: the darlings could not bear it, and he was angry with them when they showed their dislike. In his last illness, he had it brought continually to his bedside; and but an hour before he died, he bound me by vow to keep the creature. I would as soon have been charged with a pauper brat out of a workhouse: but he was weak, naturally weak. John does not at all resemble his father, and I am glad of it: John is like me and like my brothers—he is quite a Gibson. Oh, I wish he would cease tormenting me with letters for money? I have no more money to give him: we are getting poor. I must send away half the servants and shut up part of the house; or let it off. I can never submit to do that—yet how are we to get on? Two-thirds of my income goes in paying the interest of mortgages. John gambles dreadfully, and always loses—poor boy! He is beset by sharpers: John is sunk and degraded—his look is frightful—I feel ashamed for him when I see him.”
Following your "passion", or "childhood dreams", you will meet countless individuals treating you like this and while as a child the doubt that whether there is something wrong with you and whether it is your quality of being "passionate" that is worthy of nothing but punishment. While the child Jane Eyre was unable to realize the reason to Mrs. Reeds animosity of abuse of her, discovering that reasons is indeed one of the steps of development in Jane Eyre's characters and regardless of whether you ever take revenge on such people in your life, it is essential to understand unless you make similar experiences in your life, you won't be able to follow your passion as you should, the memories of childhood will always find their way back to you, especially in moments of defeat and depression and may break your life apart, so unless you are capable of knowing the real reasons behind people's abuse in your childhood, you will find yourself condemning yourself for following your passion, even though it was only a failure and the path to success is more often than not consists of steps that are called "failure", and like many other issues that we mentioned in this article, this skill does not end with childhood experiences, being unable to realize where critics of others come from an honest and sincere place and when it is result of their own troubles, or envy, or etc, you will have an extremely hard time following your passion in adulthood, especially if you lack good friends and a supporting lover who is a wholesome human being, and lets be honest with ourselves, any sincere lover is also a human being and not free of mistake, so even if you are surrounded by real friends and a sincere lover, still those people stepping beyond their limits, may give your critics and feedbacks that are untrue and only a reflection of their troubles and imperfections, few of such examples is neither a reason to end a relationship, nor a friendship, but the quality of being able to understand others in their own context is essential especially if you happen to follow your passion, and especially if you happen to be gifted ...
While not all crimes and abuses deserve mercy and forgiveness, you have to understand unlike the popular suggestions that are all over the place these days, it is not in act of forgiving others in your heart that you are able to free yourself from the traumas of the past, it is acknowledging and desiring their respective punishment that will provide you the power to move on that experience from your past. While knowing what pushed others to commit such harms to you is useful if it is possible, what really matters is to be able to evaluate what harm they had done, which part of was undeserved and what is the punishment for such harms, after that, you can decide to forgive it, or seek revenge or leave it in the hands of the God and for the day of judgement, regardless which of these three options you chose the first two steps are necessary. So, unlike suggestions of fake psychologists, and fake Jesus worshipers who believe no matter what harms you suffered, only say in your heart that you forgive those people and the world will be a shiny place from the day after, we are not designed for such kind of life. Forgiveness has to be a conscious decision based on others deserving it, and not because you are too afraid to even think about the emotional harms you suffered, or because you are unable to evaluate the harms you suffered, or lots of other reasons that makes avoiding the first two steps and forgiving the past appear to be an easier option at first glance, only to discover down the road that it didn't work wonder and you still suffer from trauma.
So, as we discussed "perfectionism" is only a misleading substitute for "passion" and is not by virtue the source of vulnerability in gifted individuals. and there are plenty of other terms and intelligent and un-intelligent theories that try to explain away what is wrong with gifted children who happen to be suffering and not rarely gifted individuals themselves settle with such explanations or come up with that of their own, like the text of Jennette McCurdy, which is rather a suggestion to avoid all aspects of her passion that might in any way appear impossible or unachievable at the first sight. I am not aimed at disproving the kid-Jennette McCurdy's experience of herself and her frustration and depression in failing to reach her goals, but I've made enough experiences to understand that those frustrations and depressions are results of externalities and unlike Wendy C. Roedell's suggestions, those externalities are not merely about the kind of feedback the child receives. Let's look at a real-life example to understand what I mean, Wes Anderson's first official movie is "Bottle Rocket" but this movie has two versions, one he filmed with his friends on their own with no budget, the other after it being backed by producers. As Jennette McCurdy would say "my gut tells me" he wasn't satisfied with the first version of the movie that they made with no money and professional equipment. However the worrisome point about Jennette McCurdy's suggestion is not how she evaluates her success or whether she has the so-called "perfectionist" expectations on herself, but that based on her childhood experiences she concludes anything close to following those impossible aims of the heart is something you should avoid before getting any closer to them. What Jennette McCurdy cause in my life and later on A. S.'s unconditional support for me being after discovering my passion and learning how to follow it, even though I started this first when my childhood was long over, and few other brief moments of love and understanding in my life and all the drawbacks, and all the moments I regretted following my passion, only to find myself on the edge of suicide or otherwise left with no direction in life, make me to have such a rich gut, so I can dare to claim, "my gut tells me", it is very likely that Jennette McCurdy is not all set and assured that the only thing she can do with her passion is to follow it.
So far we discussed, interesting and academic sounding explanations like "perfectionism" or feminists sounding ones like "rape victim" and "patriarchy" are more distractions to what really is happening and what might be the solution, we also briefly reviewed few examples why governments and corporations, or to say it better, the economic-, social-, political- and religious-system we live in is the death-pill for gifted individuals who have this "passion"-disease, and the real life gifted examples we mentioned both rejected all the glorious offers by governments and corporations, and we also briefly discussed why it is relevant to be able to understand why people harmed you whenever you displayed or live-out your quality of passion and we also warned to not decide to break from the society only because you just discovered those whom you believed to love you all your life, happened to have used that concept only to make you obedient to their unjust will, often with the cost of destroying any chance in which you would experience rewards for giving expression and better living out your passion, while we often discussed the link between these matters and our internal life, faced with the idea of living out one's passion, there are often unique internal hurdles on the path, that it makes sense to once forget the external environment contributors to it, and rather address them from the perspective for our internal world. Of course, these hurdles can be extremely unique and different from individual to individual, but for this text time and in this article, I would like to address few of them in a generalized tone and refer to them as fears.
Fear of discovering I wasn't loved
If there would be a water to our existence it is "love", and so we will go to great lengths to avoid losing loving or being loved, and every adult who has fallen in love is perfectly familiar with this matter, but when it comes to giftedness and passion, it is not only the present moment that matters, the most painful experience to individuals who did not live out their passion is to accept that if they had done so, they would have been deprived of whatever response from their environment that they perceived as an act of love and not only that but to accept that in addition to this it was not good thing to not live out their passion. Of course, most gifted individuals opt-in for not rejecting their passion as to preserve their survival, and in fact to believe however we were treated in the past was "love" is also a mechanism of survival built-in to us, activated by default in childhood. Children by default expect no cruelty from their environment, and it makes sense to be so, because they are not able to do anything with that awareness. This idea of being "loved" is not necessarily limited to [psychological] parents, a typical example is most of us often believe there is a "love" between us and our nation, regardless in which modern nation state you might live, we are always told the stories of heroes who died for this land, for our freedom, for preserve our way of life and ... Most often it is hard to distinguish whether it is a moment of breakdown or awakening when you realize that it is not so, it was never so, that there was no love in place, that you were being lied to. Some adults decide to fall in despair and believe love yet another myth, the reality isn't that, the reality is that we are designed to love and be loved, and for a love, there can't be a love relationship between someone and half of their existence, a parents who think their child is the best child in the world, but only that he or she thinks too much, is always too sensitive and often too serious and too complex and put their life on disciplining their child to abandon these traits so he or she can have a good place in the society in adulthood, aren't loving "the child" rather they are aimed at transforming the child into something they can love, and that my reader, is not love! Are you still able to recall what remark Jane Eyre received upon visiting her new school:
“That proves you have a wicked heart; and you must pray to God to change it: to give you a new and clean one: to take away your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”
I don't want to claim there are no individuals whose behaviors are so evil that it might appear to one that they have a wicked heart, but being honest with you, the reality is not a wicked heart but rather a lost connection to one's heart and soul. If you have ever been subjected to similar interactions from people who would tell you or even swear to you they love you, it is extremely likely that you weren't loved. To embrace one passion will expose other's fake love and even those in the past, that's why living out the quality of passion, in case all the love-s in your life have been fake ones is extremely painful and almost always impossible, until after you meet someone who truly loves you, or at least you can imagine that he or she will truly love you once this or that event happens. I don't recommend going with "imagined" possibility of love because sooner or later you have to find out the truth and if the truth is not the one you anticipated, the only benefit for your imagined love was to delay the breakdown. But in case you are in desperate conditions, of course, the only available option could be to stick with an imagined love until you change your environment and can meet the love of your life. "How to use imagined love properly?" is a question like "how to use coffee properly to delay sleep?", too much too intensive portions will sickens you immediately, small and continuous portions are only useful for a certain time limit, when your body reaches its limit, and you don't allow yourself to sleep, you will collapse, and in case you don't take the coffee at all right from the start and believe you can fight the tiredness just so, of course, you will fall asleep as you usually would. While Jane Eyre and Mr. Rochester's encounters are not one that is always happy, or to be more direct their interactions before the end of the book are so troublesome that the feminist commentator we mentioned believed it to perpetuate "rape culture", the reality is that Mr. Rochester is the first person who accepts all aspects of Jane Eyre's identity, who is not afraid of her depth, nor believes she needs to be fixed because of having passion, or to be precise, with all their bitter and "rape culture" provoking interactions, they meet each other's qualities on eye level:
“Yet I could not live alone; so I tried the companionship of mistresses. The first I chose was Céline Varens—another of those steps which make a man spurn himself when he recalls them. You already know what she was, and how my liaison with her terminated. She had two successors: an Italian, Giacinta, and a German, Clara; both considered singularly handsome. What was their beauty to me in a few weeks? Giacinta was unprincipled and violent: I tired of her in three months. Clara was honest and quiet; but heavy, mindless, and unimpressible: not one whit to my taste. I was glad to give her a sufficient sum to set her up in a good line of business, and so get decently rid of her. But, Jane, I see by your face you are not forming a very favourable opinion of me just now. You think me an unfeeling, loose-principled rake: don't you?”
“I don't like you so well as I have done sometimes, indeed, sir. Did it not seem to you in the least wrong to live in that way, first with one mistress and then another? You talk of it as a mere matter of course.”
“It was with me; and I did not like it. It was a grovelling fashion of existence: I should never like to return to it. Hiring a mistress is the next worse thing to buying a slave: both are often by nature, and always by position, inferior: and to live familiarly with inferiors is degrading. I now hate the recollection of the time I passed with Céline, Giacinta, and Clara.”
I felt the truth of these words; and I drew from them the certain inference, that if I were so far to forget myself and all the teaching that had ever been instilled into me, as—under any pretext—with any justification—through any temptation—to become the successor of these poor girls, he would one day regard me with the same feeling which now in his mind desecrated their memory. I did not give utterance to this conviction: it was enough to feel it. I impressed it on my heart, that it might remain there to serve me as aid in the time of trial.
Look, Mr. Rochester and Jane Eyre are not the most heavenly lovers, but so are lots of adults in our times, also partly thanks to fake feminists' endeavors to eliminate marriage and love from their true meaning. If you are old enough, probably you have had more than one individual with whom you did "that", would you like to call all of them "the true love of your life" or denounce the concept of "love" as a myth or "repressed childhood whatever"? Of course, we are not able to read inside each other's minds and hearts but we are also not always fools to all sorts of lies ...
Fear of getting praised that you deserve
People usually think, everyone would laugh at you and that's why people don't dare greatly and don't take risks and etc, but for individuals who never followed their passion, for those who lived years believing their passion being wrong, impossible and etc, the lesser severe biggest fear is to be praised ...
It is believed that you can fool anyone by praising them, especially if those praises being wrong and the person you try to fool is someone morally wicked and dishonest internally and externally, or the very least effect of praise, if they are true and to the point, is that you will make connection. However, specially respecting gifted individuals, those who weren't truly loved for who they are and are just following their passion in adulthood, the fastest and easiest way to push them towards breakdown is to praise them honestly and sincerely about their quality of being passionate, the more those praises are to the point, the fastest will be the breakdown, and if this is done out of sincere love, that breakdown is not necessarily a bad thing, sometimes false beliefs and understandings about ourselves and our world have to break, especially if almost all of our understanding of ourselves is based on the kind of fake loves that I mentioned before, the easiest way for self-development and liberation is to experience this art of breakdown. It may appear painful to outsiders, but to the person who is experiencing it, it is not the pain that matters, it is the next step that matters and we will briefly mention that ...
One of the usual patterns is to take in all the praises and collect them in a box in a corner of your mind called, "things I will deal with later", until the stuff you want to deal with later surpass the capacity of the box and you are drowned in the flood. Some professionally successful individual turn this collecting and flood cycles into their professional activity cycles, they work and work and work and either take a break or have a mental or emotional breakdown and are forced to take a break till the next time and the same experience anew. Just to have a real life example, here is another interview by Charlie Rose:
You have to keep in mind that Keira Knightley is an actress and she is not sitting there retelling her experience in a manner to help others who are in similar conditions to hers but only as a matter of a bit opening up herself, the difference is she will talk about matters that she feel more comfortable telling others about on national TV, and of course as an actress you may not wish to retell what were the turning points in that "dark period", and etc and etc
The key takeaway here is that such people don't want to deal with receiving praises, especially gifted individuals who never been loved for who they are, because that's not what they did their whole life. Imagine Jane Eyre for example, her entire life all she would receive from others respecting all her abilities, intensities and talents, was jealousy, condemnation, punishment, so much so, that she would wish to die, or better said she would consider to whether killing herself would be a good idea, and that's also part of the reason why she flees from Rochester, or as Charlotte Brontë wants to refer to, Mr. Rochester, a rich man, someone with some degree of rank in the social hierarchy. People want to see this as esteem issues, mental health issues, a psychological disorder and etc and etc and etc, the reality is that this is an absolutely normal and natural response to being paid attention to for who you are while your whole life, you had been treated miserably and as a troublemaker, or in Charlotte Brontë language someone whose behavior or even whose heart is "wicked", and indeed upon leaving Rochester Jane Eyre goes on a journey and makes connection and interactions with people who piece by piece reshape her judgment and understandings from her past. Of course, there are also lots of other changes happening in Jane Eyre and Rochester which leads them to be together, but this is the aspect relevant to the fear of being praised for things that you deserved to be praised for but you never did, which in respect of our article means the quality of being passionate and following your passion(s).
An alternative typical behavior pattern in this respect is to consider all relevant praises wrong, and by relevant I mean, the closer the praise to your true passion, the wronger the praise is in your eyes. Which is the typical case of people who aren't excessively externally successful. For example, I am so hostile against being praised that those who are closest to me, barely ever praise me and I often hide certain accomplishments from certain individuals when I sense this is going to be considered praiseworthy. and the similar reaction you can find in Jane Eyre in the beginning of her interactions with Mr. Rochester:
“Arithmetic, you see, is useful; without its aid, I should hardly have been able to guess your age. It is a point difficult to fix where the features and countenance are so much at variance as in your case. And now what did you learn at Lowood? Can you play?”
“Of course: that is the established answer. Go into the library—I mean, if you please.—(Excuse my tone of command; I am used to say, ‘Do this,’ and it is done: I cannot alter my customary habits for one new inmate.)—Go, then, into the library; take a candle with you; leave the door open; sit down to the piano, and play a tune.”
I departed, obeying his directions.
“Enough!” he called out in a few minutes. “You play a little, I see; like any other English school-girl; perhaps rather better than some, but not well.”
I closed the piano and returned. Mr. Rochester continued—“Adèle showed me some sketches this morning, which she said were yours. I don’t know whether they were entirely of your doing; probably a master aided you?”
“No, indeed!” I interjected.
“Ah! that pricks pride. Well, fetch me your portfolio, if you can vouch for its contents being original; but don’t pass your word unless you are certain: I can recognise patchwork.”
“Then I will say nothing, and you shall judge for yourself, sir.”
I brought the portfolio from the library.
“Approach the table,” said he; and I wheeled it to his couch. Adèle and Mrs. Fairfax drew near to see the pictures.
“No crowding,” said Mr. Rochester: “take the drawings from my hand as I finish with them; but don’t push your faces up to mine.”
He deliberately scrutinised each sketch and painting. Three he laid aside; the others, when he had examined them, he swept from him.
“Take them off to the other table, Mrs. Fairfax,” said he, “and look at them with Adèle;—you” (glancing at me) “resume your seat, and answer my questions. I perceive those pictures were done by one hand: was that hand yours?”
“And when did you find time to do them? They have taken much time, and some thought.”
“I did them in the last two vacations I spent at Lowood, when I had no other occupation.”
“Where did you get your copies?”
“Out of my head.”
“That head I see now on your shoulders?”
“Has it other furniture of the same kind within?”
“I should think it may have: I should hope—better.”
He spread the pictures before him, and again surveyed them alternately.
While he is so occupied, I will tell you, reader, what they are: and first, I must premise that they are nothing wonderful ...
Charlotte Brontë is a gifted author perfectly depicting a gifted individual in her work of fiction, as you see not only Jane Eyre is hesitant to accept any positive remark from Mr Rochester about her drawing, just as a gifted individual's reaction to being praised, or even the guess of the possibility of being praised respecting their passion, she even starts to prevent the reader from ever considering her in any way being gifted, certainly not respecting drawing, cause she "must promise". Where does this certainty come from, I will touch upon it briefly in a little while, before, let say without copying the whole chapter from the book here the Jane Eyre gives detailed accounts of each painting to the reader. Contrast this to how she gave an account of herself playing piano: she left no description. Yet for each drawing she leaves a whole passage to let the reader have a sense of her "nothing wonderful" works and of course people remember things and talk more about things that are their "passion", of course, Jane Eyre is gifted in this respect and of course, Mr. Rochester being her soulmate cannot leave her gift unrecognized, so the conversation continues:
“Were you happy when you painted these pictures?” asked Mr. Rochester presently.
“I was absorbed, sir: yes, and I was happy. To paint them, in short, was to enjoy one of the keenest pleasures I have ever known.”
“That is not saying much. Your pleasures, by your own account, have been few; but I daresay you did exist in a kind of artist’s dreamland while you blent and arranged these strange tints. Did you sit at them long each day?”
“I had nothing else to do, because it was the vacation, and I sat at them from morning till noon, and from noon till night: the length of the midsummer days favoured my inclination to apply.”
“And you felt self-satisfied with the result of your ardent labours?”
“Far from it. I was tormented by the contrast between my idea and my handiwork: in each case I had imagined something which I was quite powerless to realise.”
“Not quite: you have secured the shadow of your thought; but no more, probably. You had not enough of the artist’s skill and science to give it full being: yet the drawings are, for a school-girl, peculiar. As to the thoughts, they are elfish. These eyes in the Evening Star you must have seen in a dream. How could you make them look so clear, and yet not at all brilliant? for the planet above quells their rays. And what meaning is that in their solemn depth? And who taught you to paint wind? There is a high gale in that sky, and on this hill-top. Where did you see Latmos? For that is Latmos. There! put the drawings away!”
so are typical reactions of passionate individuals being deprived of following their passion and not provided with nurturing environment to grow their skills ...
False interpretations about Rochester's feeling for Jane Eyre are plenty, but Charlotte Brontë being a brilliant author in depiction of some of the most important aspects of vulnerabilities of gifted children and later adults through her work, didn't make a mistake about Rochester's character, in fact he is another version of Jane Eyre in respect of not being loved in childhood and wrong representation in his childhood by his family and his environment. Of course Jane Eyre, is the story of Jane Eyre and not that of Rochester, but in fact while you can't understand Jane Eyre's character unless you can pay attention to her internal thinkings, for example, recall how I concluded that painting is her passion, based on knowing what is such a gifted adult reaction and taking into account how many lines and with which depth she described her drawings for the reader. If you dismiss these details as if Charlotte Brontë only put them there to fill the pages or to have something to say or to keep the reader entertained or etc, you are ignoring what a brilliant author Charlotte Brontë is ... So the brilliant author because of the format she has chosen, autobiography, she can't write on internal thinkings of Rochester, the solution: Rochester is the character with violent actions, all the things we hear from him are extremely violent compared to that of Jane Eyre, and of course this is Charlotte Brontë's excellence gift in literature. The extreme violence respecting everything about and around Rochester makes those events to stand out as a painting, and just as paintings each of those acts of violence are symbolic, otherwise there are millions of followers and millions of sunsets and etc, real painters express things through their works, so are the violent events around Rochester's character. Unfortunately that those two exemplary fake feminist reviewers considered this violence as a sign of him being a patriarch or man that you should fear rape from him, is because they probably never imagined what we are talking about here. As we discussed it is only after Jane Eyre's collapse and reconciliation with her past and understanding why people wronged her and considering the punishment and revenge for them, that she went back to Rochester and married him, now, if I'm claiming Rochester being the same, and this should be so because Charlotte Brontë is telling us in the chapter called "conclusion", which is a subtle "fuck you" to whoever disagrees with what is written there, about how to understand and evaluate the events of the story after chapter and chapters of telling the story.
For some people, maybe because of our modern lifestyle, the tale of Bertha makes Rochester being a negative figure, but this is not the purpose of existence for this character in the story. As said events around Rochester are all extremely violent because they are meant to be as expressive as pages and pages and pages that we are allowed to look at Jane Eyre's internal life, so Bertha is a symbol of how the gifted child was misunderstood since his childhood. That people marry each other for the money is neither something novel, nor something unusual, and Charlotte Brontë is not an idiot who ran out of ideas for interesting male characters and still have a contract with a publisher and needs to write a couple of more pages and make the book entertaining. And that marriages out of money are often unhappy is also nothing new, and that in such marriages the man or woman who was initially poor, kills the rich one, or in our modern times, to in-prison them as mentally ill, is also not what Charlotte Brontë is aimed to communicate, nor Charlotte Brontë wishes to teach men a moral lesson that "look, if you are poor and marry a rich woman and then lock her up and go and have all sorts of fun with countless mistresses, the God will punish you", the opposite, Charlotte Brontë hands over her main character at the end of the book to this wicked, cruel and immoral man, why so? Is she super stupid? Is she anti-feminist? Just to get over your hard feelings, just let me give you a real-life example, so you can grasp how such moral cruelties are insignificant for us, Donald J. Trump having three marriages each time with a younger wife than the previous one, you can fool yourself and think "oh, he was just discovering himself, Ivanka is her true soulmate", or accept it for what it is "an attractive woman engages in a contract to a rich man, not a business one but a marriage one", yet no feelings are involved, and look we know how much Trump's life is centered around the idea of one and only soulmate, from the "grab them by the pussy" remark to the idea of owning Miss Universe, so he can sneak in backstage while young women change dress without being called on, and people chose him as president. But Rochester has a certain difference with individuals like Trump, he was in pain while living such life, and that wasn't his idea but that of his father and older brother, they thought it is a wise action, most men would think of it as a wise action even for themselves and most men who would consider such marriage a wise action, won't require more from a mistress than being pleasant while offering her body, Rochester on the other hand explains himself to Jane Eyre in such manner as if all he yearns for is a connection of intellect with his sexual partner without which he will be in pain. If you want to think of him as a cruel man, let me tell you most often marriages arranged for money if turn to pain in the ass, the other person gets killed, poisoned or dies by accident ... but we will see later, let's have a look at a passage
“‘This life,’ said I at last, ‘is hell: this is the air—those are the sounds of the bottomless pit! I have a right to deliver myself from it if I can. The sufferings of this mortal state will leave me with the heavy flesh that now cumbers my soul. Of the fanatic’s burning eternity I have no fear: there is not a future state worse than this present one—let me break away, and go home to God!’
“I said this whilst I knelt down at, and unlocked a trunk which contained a brace of loaded pistols: I mean to shoot myself. I only entertained the intention for a moment; for, not being insane, the crisis of exquisite and unalloyed despair, which had originated the wish and design of self-destruction, was past in a second.
“A wind fresh from Europe blew over the ocean and rushed through the open casement: the storm broke, streamed, thundered, blazed, and the air grew pure. I then framed and fixed a resolution. While I walked under the dripping orange-trees of my wet garden, and amongst its drenched pomegranates and pine-apples, and while the refulgent dawn of the tropics kindled round me—I reasoned thus, Jane—and now listen; for it was true Wisdom that consoled me in that hour, and showed me the right path to follow.
“The sweet wind from Europe was still whispering in the refreshed leaves, and the Atlantic was thundering in glorious liberty; my heart, dried up and scorched for a long time, swelled to the tone, and filled with living blood—my being longed for renewal—my soul thirsted for a pure draught. I saw hope revive—and felt regeneration possible. From a flowery arch at the bottom of my garden I gazed over the sea—bluer than the sky: the old world was beyond; clear prospects opened thus:—
“‘Go,’ said Hope, ‘and live again in Europe: there it is not known what a sullied name you bear, nor what a filthy burden is bound to you. You may take the maniac with you to England; confine her with due attendance and precautions at Thornfield: then travel yourself to what clime you will, and form what new tie you like. That woman, who has so abused your long-suffering, so sullied your name, so outraged your honour, so blighted your youth, is not your wife, nor are you her husband. See that she is cared for as her condition demands, and you have done all that God and humanity require of you. Let her identity, her connection with yourself, be buried in oblivion: you are bound to impart them to no living being. Place her in safety and comfort: shelter her degradation with secrecy, and leave her.’
These vivid, or the term I chose earlier "violent", pictures are not really meant to fool Jane Eyre, rather they serve as if one was to paint the internal life of a gifted child who lived a life following advice of his parents believing this who he is and this is what will make him happy only to discover himself in a misery that he could not hold any longer and upon a moment similar to spiritual awakening taking on the path of saying no to that past life, do you remember I started this article telling a similar tale about myself and later on describing the role Jennette McCurdy played in my life not least as the conduit for that spiritual awakening moment, and do you remember I said, I didn't change my life overnight and I faced lots of drawbacks? If Rochester was to serve as a cruel man in this fictional story he would not have taken a mentally ill with himself all over the places, but that mentally ill is not there to serve as explaining Rochester's relationship to women, Bertha is better to be interpreted as serving a symbolic role manifesting all the experiences of Rochester's childhood growing up while never being loved for who he was. Rochester brings the fake love that he received from his father and older brother everywhere he goes while keeping it in secret. Isn't Charlotte Brontë a genius for using a woman with bones and flesh to represent that love? Isn't it a masterpiece in the literature that it is the "existence" of this love that prevents the marriage between Mr. Rochester and Jane Eyre, at least on Rochester's side? While Charlotte Brontë could talk about the love that Jane Eyre didn't receive and was being told it is her fault that she is not being loved, being telling chapters over chapters about her childhood and how she perceived and felt and analyzed those events both while experiencing them and often in the same time as a grown-up woman talking to her reader. But an autobiography doesn't allow the author to do the same about the male character of the story, the solution: let's make everything in his life having a symbolic meaning. That Bertha is locked a room that no one has access to, is so so so so brilliant symbolic representation of what I was trying to describe how fake loves from childhood makes passionate gifted individuals to never accept true and honest praises, the symbolic depiction: Jane Eyre was never allowed to know of that room's existence. Her marriage was not possible because he was already married. This is the most brilliant symbolic representation I've ever seen of this phenomena about gifted children who become adults believing their passion being the cause of their trouble, not being part of them. Jane Eyre represents Rochester's passion and yet all those "loves" from his childhood prevents the possibility for him to embrace his passion. The Lord bless Charlotte Brontë, what a gifted author! What a brilliant symbolic painting written in words. Of course that Jane Eyre is a gifted in painting, is because Charlotte Brontë herself is a gifted painter, even if her painting is done with words ... That's how gifted individuals create art, and yet you have to remember we are not analyzing all aspects of her work, but only briefly looking at one or the other scene of it for the sake of serving as an example ... What about Bertha's death, or better said her putting the whole building on fire and herself dying in that fire? That's how Charlotte Brontë paints the collapse when the praise is so honest and so sincere and so exactly to the point that the all the one has in oneself from the fake love of childhood collapses, becomes meaningless all at once, and just like a dead wife, that fake love which one received while growing up and assumed for true love becomes meaningless, and it is only after this event that one can live out his or her passion, or as Charlotte Brontë painting tries to inform us, Mr. Rochester marries her passion. Jane Eyre is not a story necessarily about romantic love or rape or etc and etc, and that's why there is no critic to Charlotte Brontë about how could Jane Eyre feel that urge to go back to Mr. Rochester and why that fire happened exactly at the same time when Jane Eyre made all those progress herself, while Charlotte Brontë herself being a gifted author her concern is not to talk about relationships, as if one were to talk about such matters, then like Jane Austen's stories tiny little actions would make great differences, and often externalities drive away or pushe two individuals to end up with each other, but in Charlotte Brontë's story everything happens so at right time and in the right order that Jane Eyre and Mr. Rochester marry each other and live a happy life ever after, Charlotte Brontë does indeed address a lot of issues respecting romantic love by gifted individuals, but if this was a book that was focused on such theme, from an author as gifted as Charlotte Brontë, oh man, there would have lots of areas that were discussed much better, and it also perfectly makes sense because of how she actually married years after the publication of Jane Eyre– "years" in proportion to her short life.
Before continuing any further, let's just make one point clear, just because I state Jane Eyre is not a work of art meant to be about relationship, does not mean Charlotte Brontë has ignored the non-symbolical meaning of her work, just like any other great work of great artists, Charlotte Brontë's work is meaningful both in its symbolic meaning and in what an ordinary reader would understand on the surface, great artists who create works that have multi-layers of meaning, take care that they are talking about the same thing in all those layers and that all those layers of interpretation are wholesome meaningful pieces on their own, not in order to make one layer meaningful compromise the other. So, for example, the fact that Jane Eyre and Mr. Rochester can't marry each other because of Bertha, and that he hides Bertha and don't reveal anything of her to Jane Eyre until it is necessary, is meaningful both on the symbolic layer and on the surface layer and in both these layers they talk about giftedness. In its symbolic level Mr. Rochester's keeping Bertha a secret is nothing other than Jane Eyre double style of evaluating herself, one is that of her psychological parents and environment, just as any child would, the other is her real identity and as we see throughout the novel these two worlds often don't touch each other unless in moments of extreme despair, often associated with suicide inclination, and as we saw this is extremely typical tale for most of the exceptionally gifted children whose quality of passion is considered as evil or unacceptable or something that needs to be corrected or eliminated by their parents and environments. Now, on the symbolic layer, for Mr. Rochester Bertha and Jane Eyre are representatives of these two state, one is result of his father's and older brother's suggestion to him, the other is his own accidental discovery while searching for a wife, of course in symbolic interpretation wife is rather something like "meaning of life", "his true identity", or if we want to use the vocabulary of this article, his true "passion" and Bertha the fake "passion" and just like Jane Eyre, he maintains this state of never allowing these two things to come in contact with each other, until at a moment of desperation forced upon her, which similarly by Mr. Rochester that is described in violent language by entrance and intervention of Bertha's brother, and just like Jane Eyre Rochester seems unable to chose himself for one of the two, even though as readers we know about both of them which of these two is the real "passion" and which is the fake. Now, forgetting about the symbolic meaning of the marriage, one level close to the surface, Charlotte Brontë's work is depicting the reality of how those "fake loves" from childhood prevents a real commitment to one's soulmate in adulthood by gifted individual, and extremely similar scene, this time without the symbolism is depicted in Good Will Hunting film, when Will finally openes up about the fact that he was physically abused by his father and immediately ends his relationship with the woman he found to be the "perfect" woman, while the previous scene he was with her in bed and performing cunnilingus:
So even though Charlotte Brontë's work is an artwork that its main focus isn't on romantic relationships rather she uses romantic relationships to keep the reader engage and the heavily uses it for the purpose of unmasking the path of healthy development of a gifted child's self, or better said two gifted children, the scenery about romantic relationship as long as they are relevant to the tale of giftedness are indeed meaningful in all the layers of understanding the story.
We discussed very briefly how love and being loved for who you really are, is relevant in being able to accept praises, and that passionate and specially gifted individual are even hostile about receiving true recognition respecting their passion in case they haven't been loved, and while these reactions sound like abnormalities that we consider them worth to talk about, the reality is that they are perfectly natural and healthy reactions, a built-in design feature in human beings. Why is this so, is because our functioning depends on having a sense of identity, for us identity is one of those things that can activate our alarm system which means we will drop any other activity until the danger is passed, which may even mean not caring about your health to the point of physical harm to yourself, and the interesting part is that if we have a false or misleading understanding of our identity as long as we are not conscious about those wrongs, your brain or psyche won't activate the alarm system which means you can live a normal-looking life, your life will only look wrong to individuals who understand your true identity, to others you may even be a perfectly successful individuals professionally and in your private life. And as we discussed praises that bring out your true identity to yourself are the best way to breakdown, because they will break the false identity you have of yourself inside, so we are by nature designed to protect ourselves from falling into this breakdown, even though this is a necessary breakdown, because your inside life is designed to make sure you are in an environment that can help you grow out of this breakdown, that is exactly why praises from people who aren't our true lovers is easy to dismiss or to be hostile against but true praises from our true lovers can bring us down in one moment, because the presence of such person in your life means you have all you need to recreate your sense of identity, and as written in my previous writings, these are extremely complex design features in us, which are totally misunderstood by people in our times, to have a sense of why someone you love can help you build your identity, read the ending section of the article "Notes around the natural process of growing into great leaders" , "Fostering natural process of growing into great leaders on individual level" and this design feature also means we are vulnerable to certain circumstances. One of the saddest fates that this design feature may provide the basis for in us, is the phenomenon that the term "narcissus" was originally used to name, when someone who has come in contact with their real love of their lives, by rejecting that love in strong terms and the other person one way or the other dying, themselves committing suicide because they are so obsessed with the sense of identity that they were able to have while their real lover was in their life. Just as we don't have any idea of our face's features until a mirror reflects it, we have no sense of identity until we receive its reflections and the best reflections that we can receive in our lives is that of our true lovers, so being with true lovers is essentials for everyone, specially for gifted people with the quality of passion who have lived a life believing that quality to be a source of harm, if not wrong or illusion.
There is a lot that can be said about this point and any other point in this article, but there are restrictions on any work of man, but before ending this fear, let's mention one more side note that our design features and our behaviors are perfectly natural and healthy things even though to the eyes of those who don't have a clue about any of these it may look like beasts as Jane Eyre is often considered such throughout her biography even in times by herself or otherwise people would dismiss to consider it as a "peculiarity" as it was the case with Mr. Rochester:
“You said Mr. Rochester was not strikingly peculiar, Mrs. Fairfax,” I observed, when I rejoined her in her room, after putting Adèle to bed.
“Well, is he?”
“I think so: he is very changeful and abrupt.”
“True: no doubt he may appear so to a stranger, but I am so accustomed to his manner, I never think of it; and then, if he has peculiarities of temper, allowance should be made.”
“Partly because it is his nature—and we can none of us help our nature; and partly because he has painful thoughts, no doubt, to harass him, and make his spirits unequal.”
While this is a healthy and natural reaction of specific kinds of humans in specific conditions, one should not mistake the term "natural" with "preferable". Of course a gunshot at the heart of man will "naturally" kill him or her, but this is not a "preferable" result if that man or woman happens to be an innocent, so, that people who never lived out their passion would be hostile and unwelcoming towards honest and true praises that point to their passion, is better to be understood as a sign that this individual will have a long and adventurous path of self-development in front of him or herself, which one can't escape. So don't fall prey to believe that because we established these behaviors as "healthy" and "natural", it means this is it and there is no more hard work and hard times in sight for the future ...
Fear of success by following your passion
The general assumption goes that people fear failure and there are always talks about taking risks and giving yourself a chance to fail and not thinking if you fail the world will go down and like, however, this is not true about gifted people who have been false loved during their childhood partly because of their quality of being passionate.
The movie Joy is actually an easy-to-understand story that partly depicts this kind of fear. Based on the life Joy Mangano, the film tells the tale of this child that was so passionate about creating things with her hands, about making inventions that eases people's life, till her father accidentally crashing her paper-made "castle of inventions" pushes this child, like many other children with exceptional passionate nature, to bury her passion inside herself and live a life without it since that day forward, until endless failures in chasing success criteria-s of other in her adult life brings her to a state of being hunted by her passion from inside. Left with no other option she tries to live out her passion in her life, what else can go wrong? The movie then shifts its focus on external events in her life, but there is a key point left in the movie that is so relevant to the fear we are talking about her: while Joy's family basically crushed her quality of being passionate, she doesn't leave them behind, not even after she is very successful, not even after her father and half-sister and mother-in-law sue her and her company for stealing the idea from them, you have to wonder what personally Joy have to not break all contacts to people who simply can't contribute to anything in her life but to harm her at the end. I don't want to claim Joy Mangano's treatment of her biological and legal family members has no roots in her morals or kindness or other good human qualities, but what is relevant to this point of the article is the reality that if Joy Mangano had denounced these individuals from her life, there would have been no people left in her life who would interact with her just because she is a human being and not because of any professional pretext being the cause of their interactions. Joy Mangano's family aren't evil individuals who are experts in suing innovators for steal the idea from them, they are only doing this against Joy Mangano because that's the only way they can continue with their "false love" practices, when Joy's living out her passion is so successful that they can't anymore call her being dreamy, idealistic and etc and etc for being passionate, so the new strategy to crush her is to be like "oh, this is not your success, you are that child unworthy of rewards who have to be disciplined in order to be successful in her adulthood, the way we live our lives is the successful way, who you are is just wrong."
I lived a similar life, a life where my parents would reward me and praise only in the moments when I didn't follow my passion and a life in which they won't shy to try to make me fail in case I dared to follow my passion, because that's they want the best for me. And I didn't have the fortune or privilege of others to be discovered by an agency, or an older professional who would become my mentor or enter a company or an institute that will be the nurturing environment I always needed, no I had had little degree of each of these things but not like some of typical success stories when a filmmaker asks the parents of a child if they mind their kid play a role in his or her film and there beings the undiscovered talents founding the right career path and one of the worst hurdles that I had to face in my life was the reality that if I become successful in this or that thing that those who supposedly loved me did all things to prevent me from doing it because they believed I can't do it and I will fail and etc, it will be like a slap in their face, and if I have more than one success they will no more love me ... and indeed this has happened, not that I am recognized as a success by the society, but that I had success in doing things that my parents and everyone else gave me the prophecy that I will fail in it ... For example my parents organized a session of seeking advice from a German teacher and there were so excited about me going to meet him that I thought this is going to be a life-changing experience in my life, in reality, the guy tried to convince me that I will never be able to reach the degree of proficiency in German language to read and understand the work of German philosophers so I rather study engineering in the university than a humanitarian field, and I sort of did that but as you see from this article, me who was the second worse level of English all my school years and who didn't visit any English course afterward, is able to analyze English literature and criticize the master thesis of a woman whose profession is English literature as a side note in my writing. Do you know what is my parents' reaction to this? We have nothing to say to each other. My mother doesn't even speak English and the few times when I tried to seek a real human-connection to her and forget all the past and told her and said "yeah, I'm working on the website and just published a piece" and ask her whether she ever looked at the website, her response was "but your website I can't understand". When I had no success respecting my passion my parents and those around me would be so excited in their interactions with me especially when they were to warn me and prevent me from listening to my passion, now that there are tiny little successes in my life, I just lost any human interaction I had. There are lots of other things contributing to my lack of social life, but me being successful when following my passion is the core. Just to give you an example, this article here is more than 26,000 words counting words of this draft version I'm currently writing, now nine months ago I became friends with someone and me, not considering my work worthy of any exceptional praise would sometimes tell him that I worked on a text in the weekend, until one day he told me with so much excitement that he sat in library for few days and working on an article and so far he's written, I don't exactly but something like 3000 words and I could feel the exhaustion in his voice and his behavior because of working up to his limits, that moment it clicked inside me why even though he wants me as a friend, he isn't really interested to hear me telling I was working on something that was important for me. About my dating life, if I'm left to my own, I can easily make a woman saying "hey I don't want to hear anything more, just stop it", I literarily heard this not because I talked too long or too much, but because there was this girl who sort of asked me what is this web page that I talked about in the class, "is it my blog" and my reaction was "no, no, no, it is a website where I publish what I work on, let me show you, this is the blog part, this is the poems, this is a short story I've written ..." in she interrupted me in a tone and reaction that meant "look if you had a blog I was ready to date you but that's too much, I'm not going to be the wife of an author" and I didn't dare to say "but that's only what I published so far because I didn't had the means to realize my real ideas, like Humane Internet and Lost Lang and ..." another time when a woman tried to start a conversation with me and I was so busy and emotionally disturbed that I forget she might be interested in me, I just started to explain to her why I don't like international law and she trying to maintain her side of the argument, while also agreeing with my point, end up saying "but that's what I've spent my life on, you shouldn't expect me to agree with you now!" I wasn't arguing that she has wasted her life, to have sense of how such interactions feel for the other side, it feels like when you are a normal person who likes to play soccer in the weekend and then once upon a time your soccer team that consists of people in your neighborhood plays against Barcelona. Such a match would feel dreadful, not because you hate soccer or this kind of sport is dreadful, but because of the difference.
The situation gets worse the more successful you become, one of most tragic real-life examples of such kind in our times is Michael Jackson, the man who could even change the opinion of those who hated his style of music about his style of music, a good work even in a style that is not your taste, is still a good work and hard to dismiss its value. He having grown up in "false love" conditions, and being extremely successful, reached a point that he could not have any human-interactions that weren't work-related with any humans but children, because children were blind to his success and are unable to compare his depth of passion to that of their own. There are other reasons contributing to his decision to make his home a "wonderland" for children to visit, but the main reason to it is that it was the only easy cure he could find for not having any human interaction in his life. No, I don't believe humans are unable to make human-interactions because they are gifted, but if you have been false loved, you need lots of help and as we mentioned in different examples you need to have real love in your life, to make those milestones in personal growth and for Michael Jackson, fortunately or unfortunately such people didn't exist in his life, the woman who happened to become the mother of his children, is also someone totally disturbed when it comes to emotional connection, so disturbed that she wished her child to not call her "mother" and she won't talk of it as a result of childhood traumas or whatever, but a "modern family":
So, Michael Jackson didn't go after personal growth, instead, he chose the easier solution, which is not a real solution but in reality only a temporary relief: making love to the woman who is more or less equally emotionally unable deal with things related to love ... While as we discussed true love is indeed a prerequisite for nearly all these fundamental development stages, whether a real world one or an imaginary one till one finds such thing in the real world, pretending to love someone just because both of you are similarly damaged and can get along with each other, never have the same impact. That's also why in Charlotte Brontë's story even though Jane Eyre and Mr. Rochester are such irrelevant romantic companions for one another on the paper, because of all their differences, to Charlotte Brontë they are nothing other than true soulmates. As written elsewhere often it is easier to settle with the person you are compatible with one another to start a romantic relationship with than your true soulmate, and as briefly mentioned there, actually the society encourages such companionships, just as in case of Jane Eyre and Mr. Rochester, there are plenty of commentary and reviews that one way or the other consider their relationship to be an interplay of dominance and submission roles, just as the fake feminist reviewer we mentioned liked to argument:
... The rape also explains why Jane has an overall low self-esteem, why she makes the decisions she does, and why she stays with Rochester at the end of the novel. She feels that because Rochester needs her, he would be unable to dominate her into submission. In addition, her splitting into two selves serves to protect her from being totally overwhelmed by instances of violent patriarchy. ...
The reality is that as a human being the position of submission and dominance is as irrelevant as being rich or poor, just as Jane Eyre explains to her readership:
“Perhaps you may—who knows? Have you any relations besides Mrs. Reed?”
“I think not, sir.”
“None belonging to your father?”
“I don’t know. I asked Aunt Reed once, and she said possibly I might have some poor, low relations called Eyre, but she knew nothing about them.”
“If you had such, would you like to go to them?”
I reflected. Poverty looks grim to grown people; still more so to children: they have not much idea of industrious, working, respectable poverty; they think of the word only as connected with ragged clothes, scanty food, fireless grates, rude manners, and debasing vices: poverty for me was synonymous with degradation.
“No; I should not like to belong to poor people,” was my reply.
“Not even if they were kind to you?”
I shook my head: I could not see how poor people had the means of being kind; and then to learn to speak like them, to adopt their manners, to be uneducated, to grow up like one of the poor women I saw sometimes nursing their children or washing their clothes at the cottage doors of the village of Gateshead: no, I was not heroic enough to purchase liberty at the price of caste.
Charlotte Brontë's work is from the beginning to the end the tale of "liberation" but not liberation of "patriarchy" as the academic fake feminist want us to believe. And as said when you accept the work of Charlotte Brontë's writing in its entirely and as a work of an exceptionally gifted mind, it becomes hard to dismiss that Janey Eyre and Rochester are soulmates, and so they both need to be in that state of liberation and while liberation of Jane Eyre is a continuous and slow and internal journey in writing style of Charlotte Brontë, the liberation of Mr. Rochester is one that happens in fast peace through extremely bold and intermittent events and has a quality of appearing violent, and as we said, this is because Charlotte Brontë's choice of style which only proves her brilliant gift in literature and partly painting, at least painting with words, and the final milestone of liberation by Mr. Rochester is the burned house, representing the state of collapse, when all the "fake love" from childhood that he keeps secret from everyone else get totally destroyed, represented as Bertha.
We have had enough examples so far, so I guess it is likely that now the statement "I was not heroic enough to purchase liberty at the price of caste" ring a bell for you, does it? You can't forget Johnny Depp saying no to Hollywood for the alternative of "pumping gas", unless you understand what this "liberation" is about. Or Good Will Hunting who would say no to NSA while his day job was being a janitor at a prominent university. Yes, if you didn't watch the film, the guy was a fucking janitor and he was the janitor at a university cuz his "passion" was mathematics, and yet, he rejected working on the most advanced problems of mathematics backed by the government.
Now that we again opened Jane Eyre's book, let's discuss another matter before putting it aside, if the violence in descriptions of scenes where Rochester is present makes you feel it is not a true love story, let me tell you of the elements that makes these two being soulmate, again this is a fictional world and the aim of this work is not to be about relationships, otherwise you may discover your soulmate through different signs and interpretations, so the elements that Charlotte Brontë has put in her work are not sole components of being one another's soulmates. Remember the early interactions of Rochester and Jane Eyre and Rochester points to her extreme gift for painting while criticizing her work, but his critic is to how she treated her passion, that she is not yet mature in her skills, and at the same time he is all positive and loving for the quality of her passion, it is a praise to call her paintings "elfish", even though other people in her life, meant such descriptions as "bad" and "evil" and something that has to be eliminated from her life. And Jane Eyre constantly reminds the reader how others in Rochester life couldn't see him, couldn't correctly react to him, and this starts right from that conversation when she turns to Mrs. Fairfax and accuses her of not really telling the truth about Rochester to her, and she begins by explaining that: "I am so accustomed to his manner, I never think of it", so just like Jane Eyre, the exceptional qualities in Rochester goes unnoticed by others, or to be more precise, Jane Eyre receives condemnation for having passion, Mr Rochester's quality of having passion is met with ignorance by all others in his life, but from the very first moment this attracts Jane Eyre's interest, and unlike others she is not afraid to deal with it, and even at most extreme moments of confrontation when Jane Eyre meets Rochester's mistake in his attempts to live out his passion, in the example of the story of finding a wife that can have conversations with him and make him happy, she only criticizes his choice of how to get there, she never doubts his intention, she accepts his intentions as being truthful and worthy, even if his excessive passion has driven him to try anything and everything to satisfy his passion, of course the point we want to make is not about how to live out your passion, but that Jane Eyre and Mr. Rochester at least in the way that Charlotte Brontë presents to us and want us to believe, are two exceptionally gifted individual who never were understood or appreciated by their environment, and who happen to be each others soulmates and the way she expects us to accept that these are indeed each other's soulmates is by showing us that these two are the only ones in each other's life that don't want to eliminate or ignore each other's quality of "passion" and even if they critic each other, the critic is about how to better achieve your passion, and this may sound similar to the suggestion we picked from the article of the gifted education consultant, Wendy C. Roedell but remember she told us the problem is how to give feedback to gifted children, yet we discovered the problem is that the quality of passion by gifted children is often not accepted, often not understood and considered of no value or even source of harm and hence it is often subtly and directly punished or subtly and directly ignored, or often a combination of both. and again Charlotte Brontë by putting two characters who grow up with these two different reactions from the environment is trying to make her piece being centered about giftedness and not about "relationship" or "patriarchy", for that matter.
Let's just briefly look at few sentences from Michael Jackson and then we will move to another more present day example:
So, even if you are someone that walking down the street plenty of people would stop by just to take a photo with you, behind the scene Micheal Jackson was extremely lonely, so lonely that he could be killed with prescription and nobody being there to stop him.
If you read this article carefully, you probably remember I mentioned Jennifer Lawrence name as an example of gifted individuals to look up to, but her case, being the youngest child of the family, not doing so good in school and not being recognized as a talented actress until early in the adulthood, and not having any huge controversy around her, like many others who were or are as famous as her, it makes her case of fearing from success even more interesting, or maybe better said how she finds herself unable to maintain human relations after her success, relations that are not because of her professional work but because she is a human and so a "social animal", and like any "social animal" part of our natural function is having interactions that aren't because of our achievements.
As mentioned in the early chapters of this article, our societies in their current form are so harsh specially on gifted individual that with a bit of exaggeration we can say almost as if they are designed to be death-pill for gifted children and adults, and so it won't be hard to guess Jennifer Lawrence didn't have friends growing up, similar to Jane Eyre the imagined love in her life wasn't a doll but (a) horse(s):
People who have no respect for giftedness would like to dismiss that as something exceptional in childhood, of course, an actress like her can't be friendless but as we discussed the difficulties of gifted children in connecting with others can't be solved unless the issue with "fake love" from their childhood is solved, in the manner we discussed, to put it short and use a more proper term let's borrow Charlotte Brontë's description in Jane Eyre's words: "liberation", and as we saw that liberation doesn't take place, or at least the examples we presented so far, like Jane Eyre, Mr. Rochester and Good Will Hunting, by each of these that liberation happened at the same time when their soulmate entered their lives, and as we discussed, without the soulmate, even if external praises cause to crash our wrong understanding of ourselves, we won't be able to rebuild our identity in a way that it represents who we are, we won't be able to embrace our passion truly. Imagine a Mr. Rochester with a burned house without Jane Eyre coming back to him, what would become from such Mr. Rochester? I can't imagine any other fate that doesn't end in another burned home, as long as Jane Eyre is not in his life. So, now, it easy to guess that Jennifer Lawrence having extremely hard time when it comes to human relationships in her life, and look we are not here to dissect Jennifer Lawrence's psychological working for the public, we just want to point out how hard it is for the gifted adult him or herself and the society to recognize the hardship that these individuals deal with and their inability even though being extremely successful in the eyes of others, because of not being loved in the childhood, not being with their soulmate in adulthood, or to say it another way, because of not being liberated from the fake identity, the identity in which their passion is not part of it.
Look, I am the guy who publicly writes about her that "celebrating your presence and your actions in our time as part of people whom we live with them in the same period of time, is rather a duty than an act out of my personal preference toward you". I believe Jennifer Lawrence is a good human being, so good that I would even swear upon her name, so to talk about her so openly is not to criticize her. and Charlie Rose is also the best interviewer that I've seen so far in my life, but this interview is particularly horrifying, because even Charlie Rose who has been around gifted people and had the opportunity to ask them any question, misses the whole point on what it means to be a human, and not only that he misses the whole point but he encourages Jennifer Lawrence to follow him: "Who cares?", "She makes a minimum of $20 million a film", "Who cares?". Do you remember I told you one the reasons that Joy Mangano didn't denounce her family even though their only interactions with her is aimed at harming her, is it is better to feel pain than to feel nothing. Here is Jennifer Lawrence opening up about the most intimate and important matter in her life, that there is no-one in her life, literarily no one, and Charlie Rose totally misses the point. "What does she have to worry about? She's lonely on Saturday night? I don't think so."
I am not trying to reinforce your fear of success by retelling Jennifer Lawrence's story, and it is true that everyone feels down during breakups, but look at what Jennifer Lawrence is singling out "I'm lonely every Saturday night", it is not that "he was the love of my life", or "I can't live without him" or that "he was an asshole" or etc, it is another way of saying, the only human relationship I had in my life was because of my body and now that for whatever reason I don't have it, there is no human interaction in my life. and if you remember we discussed that this is a very real issue in gifted people's life.
Just to tell you from my experience, me being a man, and never having any erotic interaction after those too early absolutely unwanted experiences, I sometimes go around the week and never being asked "how are you". Of course, people can be shy, people can be introverted, people can be this and that, but that fake love closes all the doors to meaningful relationships with others, because there is this secret compartment deep inside you that is there to make you feel your passion is wrong, worthless, illusion, and etc, even if you are successful.
Going back to Jennifer Lawrence's example, unfortunately, she has turned into the punchbag for insiders of Hollywood for being a "fake humble". So much so that she has even her own parody song and it is sold to others as a "real work of art" and so much so that this song even fools other gifted, just as example Jennette McCurdy who I guess lots of the points in this article are not unfamiliar to her, didn't catch how untrue that song is, the first time ...
It's a bit of a fucked up society that assholes like Conner4real (Andy) and Adam Levine who supposed to be artists, the profession of men and women like Charlotte Brontë, fucking miss the point about Jennifer Lawrence. One of the differences between great real artist and great fake artists, is that a real artist such Charlotte Brontë not only depict the most difficult and complex matters that others are blind to, and discuss the solutions sometimes too, great fake artists, on the other hand, are like rollercoaster rides to darkness, they lead you to hell while giving you the false sense of having fun.
So, why this song and the humbleness of Jennifer Lawrence is relevant here? Because that's not acted, but that's the only way Jennifer Lawrence ever made any human relationship in her life, what do you expect her to do when she receives so much success? To people Jennifer Lawrence is this brilliant success, to Jennifer Lawrence herself, she is this worthless being who nobody would pick an interest to be her friend, so much so, that she would take a horse as a friend.
Look, neither I recommend Charlie Rose's stance to believe now that I have success, let's the money speak in place of all other things in life and don't care, nor I recommend Joy Mangano's solution to have the people who would harm you but at least do so not cuz of your professional success in your life, nor do I recommend Michael Jackson's solution to use children as the point of reference for emotional relationship, nor his earlier solution to engage in romance with some as emotionally disturbed as you, neither I recommend Jennifer Lawrence's temporary reliefs, to use your attraction and your body as some sort of hook to have others engage with you cuz you are a human a not because of your professional life, the solution is pretty straightforward, first-things-first, you cannot escape finding your true soulmate and you should try all your best to be together, the other point is as a gifted individual you can't be friends or have eye-level interactions with others, unless they are as gifted as you, so, like Johnny Depp, it is important to build and maintain friendship with others who have this excessive "passion", and it doesn't matter you share the same "passion", but I think what matters is that we as a society stop living in isolation. Look, friendship is a personal and intimate matter, but just as a fictional example, I think a world in which Jennifer Lawrence and Jennette McCurdy would be friends, is a better world than one in which both of them live in their own lonely quarters of the world, which is only visited if once upon a time a man is so brave enough to approach and date them. Both of these individuals and to a degree every single individual that I mentioned as an example in this article are valuable to me, and my point is not to criticize these people that I singled out, loneliness is apparently an epidemic in our generation(s), but the more gifted you are, the more impossible it is to have friends, but I can't live in a world like this, not because it is sad, but because I believe this is a lie. I love the idea of competition and what is more pleasant than competing with the best of the world, but at least about the media-industry, I think, there is this motivation to make it impossible for people who compete with each other to be friends, so it is easier to control them. Reduce the contract of Jennifer Lawrence and then Charlie Rose's statement is no more true that "she makes a minimum of $20 million a film ..." and so she will make every compromise to maintain her "$20 million a film", so she can go about her life while "don't care" that "every Saturday night" she is lonely.
Should it really be so hard for us to accept as society that as human being it is in our nature to wish for interactions that don't have erotic background to them, isn't because of our professional life ... that it is natural to have connection with other human beings, being it as simple friendship or intense and endless as soulmate
I understand that we may come from terrible childhoods, or a little terrible childhoods, I understand that we can't be friends if we are too different, if there is a great deal of difference in how successful we are professionally, I don't think it is impossible for all people, but I understand most people feel bad about themselves when they are around people who are too much more successful, and I don't expect us to be able to change overnight, but I think this is hilarious that we are doing nothing and we dismiss those who speak out as "mentally ill" or, we silent them with "who cares", or we call all things in their lives being "escaping rape" ...
I hope this article a bit clarifies these "fears" and by putting a bit of light on them, provides you with a sense of reassurance that there is nothing wrong with you but that you are just on the path of development, and I hope the examples we hand-picked, especially Charlotte Brontë's work gives you a sense of how different stages of this development is going to look like, and provide you with a meaningful explanation why living out your passion and being with your soulmate is the good thing, even if at the time of reading this article you are someone at who has a secret compartment deep buried in his heart that you never wish to reveal its existence to anyone, not even your spouse. and in case your spouse is such individual, I guess she probably isn't your soulmate, and this is not necessarily a failure that you are in such relationship. I guess another good thing about Charlotte Brontë's work is that she is not afraid of showing the uncomfortable side of being alive, that her Mr. Rochester deserved to end up with Jane Eyre, in my opinion, is a great motivation for all individuals who think, I had this past romantic experiences I shouldn't try to be with this person, I don't deserve to love, and that Charlotte Brontë is not afraid to put her main character, Jane Eyre go through constant fear of being raped by Rochester and yet marrying him, because he is her soulmate, and these sceneries are so brutal and violent that to those two fake feminists it sounded like rape and not love, not that I suggest you to go and marry rapists, but I think to people who followed their passion and who are exceptionally passionate, situations like these are all too familiar. Elon Musk and his brother lived in the US for a period even as illegal immigrants, cuz their visa expired, they would live in a studio and use their PC in the morning as a server and in the night as the workstation for developing it further. I don't encourage anyone living in harsh conditions willingly, what I am trying to say is that if that's what it takes to live out your passion, do it, and yes, people will always condemn you or lovingly try to stop you from putting yourself through hardship, cause they know better than you, you are not going to be successful, but I think if you are a healthy human being, there is no malfunction in our design, if there is honestly such passion in you, it is not there to be eliminated.
This article doesn't cover lots of things, but personally I found that nobody talks about this matters about this fundamental doubt that some of us bear in ourselves about things that are really important to us, yet since childhood we learned we shouldn't display those qualities of "passion", and when you ask people about what to do, either they talk about right or wrong or the say nonsense about how the quantity of choices that are available to us makes decision making impossible, but I don't think that's what answers the question, so there are lots of things that aren't covered in this article, the boldest thing is "how to live out your passion" and of course there are lots of dangers and fears that we didn't discuss and are worth to be discussed, and while I used the term "gifted" a lot in this article, I believe every human being is gifted and I believe all these points are relevant to all individuals with every degree of giftedness, but it is easier to talk about extremely gifted because their troubles are extreme, they are the one who would easily kill themselves deprived of "liberty", the kind of "liberty" that we talked about, and most of the people could go about their lives just fine by following lesser intensive advice. So, if you have to tone the intensity of the suggestions in this article to your own person, however I believe it is important that each of us value our heart, and follow our real passion, I guess if a lot of us decide to live like this, even the harmful social systems that we briefly touched up are going to be changed as a side-result, without any revolution or grandiose centralized planning and execution ...
Individuals and their works that in one way or the other impacted my understanding and so contributed to this article, beside the ones already mentioned throught or in footnotes:
- Andrea Brackmann and her works "Jenseits der Norm - hochbegabt und hoch sensibel?" and "Ganz normal hochbegabt", the definition of "giftedness" is also borrowed from her writings and research of past literature on the subject ...
- Barbara Sher
- Peter A. Levine and Ann Frederick