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To not see this reminder again
When I was a child I wished prophet Muhammad be my role-model, so naturally in respect of romantic relationships as well [even though I had no clue how his was]. Perhaps role-model is not the right term, rather better, that I be so good that if he was alive, we could have been best friends.
Whatever happened between that childhood & my adulthood, the least I can say is that nobody was there, so I ever recover from those events that I won't end up referring to a woman who had spent a period of her youth in psychiatric care, reveals at Women March about being raped [I sensed she had pains the first time I saw her, and that was why I wanted to love her, and it wasn't hard to guess where the pain comes from, so her speech finalized it] & her love as relationship goals ...
By the way, don't worry for me, I may not be as prophet-like as I really wished to be, but I still have the vision somewhere inside my heart, the broken shattered thing, or as better described in a poem, the collection of black holes instead of heart ...
don't worry for me that much, I'm still the same stupid mind, the guy who believed in an invisible being called God, how do you think Hafiz would write
In the tavern of the Magians, God's light I see:
This wonder, behold! What the light is; and where it, I see.
and me not seeing an angel in Halsey and God's light by Ashley?
I may have too much in common with Halsey, more than I ever could have wished for, had I know how would they feel in advance, but I still I wish somewhere at the end, something like these lines be how He calls us:
Return unto thy Lord, content in His good pleasure! [89:28]