A letter to Snow White and all other false diagnosed gifted ...

A very personal letter to Snow White and other misdiagnosed gifted ... I hope it helps knowing yourself beyond all these myths and lies ...
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I don’t like to talk about any individuals’ behavior unless with themselves alone, therefore, I usually don’t publish anything that concerns someone else’s individuality, unless their behavior is so public1 and I don’t have any access to them and more importantly, it is necessary that others also know about what I am telling them or thinking about their acts and behaviors. Even though you are not a public figure [at least up to this point], I think some people should have told you, what I am going to tell you and it is a pleasure that I am the person who tells you this, even though I am so afraid that I say something wrong and you get angry at me, or don’t understand me or …

Another motive for me to write to you in public is that I would like you to know that there are reasons for why I am saying all these in front of anyone else and one of these reasons is that I am really sure about what I am claiming.

Maybe it was more like a moment of revelation or maybe it is more the result of lots of tiny events in my life, either the case, I felt the urge to share my thoughts with psychologists about „giftedness“. It resulted in an essay, the second part of which, is focused around the issue of misdiagnosing gifted children with „neurodevelopmental disorders“. This essay is written more for people who have some sorts for responsibility towards gifted individuals and not for the misdiagnosed gifted children themselves. So perhaps you should not read it …

Oh, I was going to forget something. I liked the idea of calling your name here and there in the below text, instead of saying „you“, „you“, „you“, because it sounds too monotonous, and the first name jumped into my head was „Snow White“! Beyond protecting your privacy, another reason for using this pseudo-name is that I know few people like you, and lately, I am coming to the conclusion that it might be that there are more people like you than just two or three individuals that I know, so even though this letter has tone set to „you“, I hope using the name „Snow White“ encourage other individuals who have the same story, realize the truth about themselves.

I know the usual reaction of gifted individuals when they are confronted by others about being gifted is to claim that it can’t be true and they usually turn their backs to the people who first confront them with such facts, but I want to risk being refused by you, Snow White, cause I believe someone should put a mirror in front of you and tell you

Hey, look! This is who you are. You are not an Aspie, you have never been an Aspie. You are just a gifted person, different from anyone else. It doesn’t matter, if others like the fact that you are gifted or not. This is who you are. You should be very humble and grateful for what you have been gifted, instead of denying who you are!

So, here we go, this is my letter to you:

„Dear Snow White,

I just watched a second video from you, to get sure about something. After watching one or two documentaries about Autism and Asperger, I was quite sure about it, but I wanted to get completely sure.

There are times when I look back to what I did in the past and wonder, whether people would think I am crazy … actually some months ago, I made a video of myself to apologize from someone and I also tried to give some constructive advice, cause I really wished that things don’t go wrong once again. After I sent this video to those people, I couldn’t believe what I did. For me, apologizing wasn’t a problem, but I wasn’t sure of myself giving advice to someone older than myself, about how they should behave. Despite the differences in topics and manners and all the other differences, what you and I are doing, are in core the same things. We try to share with other people how to tackle situations better … situations which we believe they didn’t handle well or that we believe, we just might have a better solution for them … but Snow white, do you know what? Very few do such things, especially when they are not asked for, and not paid for either. Especially when they don’t have any certificate, like being a psychologist or something like this … and you were doing this, since you were very young.

I was wondering whether I might not be a person with Asperger, cause lots of behavior traits in what is called Asperger and in me, seems similar. I was looking for a professor’s lecture on this theme on Youtube, that I came across a video of a very young person giving advice to Aspergers, I was interested to know what you say, and even though I don’t know much about Asperger Syndrome one thing, at least, I can tell you: „individuals with Asperger syndrome don’t make such facial expressions naturally on their face, unless after lots of lots of lots training and understanding the differences between them and normal individuals“. And then I watched the second video from you in few years older age than the first video, and I was shocked by the number of emotions, the kind of emotions, the degree and … of emotions on your face! I was just thinking „we should be ashamed for making a person like you, feeling she/he has Asperger syndrome.“ for few hours afterward, I was repeating to myself the thought that „this person2 having Asperger Syndrome?  Are you serious when you say that?“

I don’t mean individuals with Asperger syndrome doesn’t show any emotion on their face, under no circumstances, yes, some Asperger may smile or show sadness, but Asperger doesn’t show so much emotion on their face as in your face! The emotions on your face are so bold, so so so bold for the eyes of a [trained gifted] individual or I guess even for anyone else who understands human emotions from their facial expressions, too.

I mean, what you are doing is imagining yourself on your parents age and simply no one can do this, I see when you are saying „if you have a child, take care of her …“ you have the look of a mother in your face not an 18-year-old girl … there are two kinds of people who can have such looks on their faces: „teenage mothers whose child is at least 2 to 5 years old and actors“ otherwise you are gifted3!

Or in that other video, when you are literally a child, what you are saying is not because you can’t understand people’s feelings from their facial expressions —as it is the case by individuals with Asperger Syndrome—, it is because you understand more than any normal person at that age is able to understand from people’s face, and that’s why you behave in a way that one else would ever behave and no one else does know how to react to you, because nobody expect such behavior from any „normal“ individual. This is because your brain is able to picture other people’s brain in itself far more and to a more complex degree than, average gifted, individuals. [See the footnote of the above paragraph for a short description about what I mean by this].

And yes, when you behave in a way that people doesn’t expect from you and could never imagine that a normal individual behaves this way, they will consciously and subconsciously treat you and react to you in a way, that will make you feel and believe that „there is something wrong with you“.

In that video from the time as you were still a child, you are categorizing girls into a group which are more into romance and the other, which are after ‚that one thing‘ … I know, that this was Snow White’s opinion when she was very young and that you do no more agree with her. But I believe at the age that you were telling such things [and it wasn’t something that was dictated to you, and you were just repeating what others have told you, but it was **your*** *real brain’s understanding of the world and the people around you], it is indeed an incredible brain’s performance and outcome4.

You know? The second video I watched from you, just look at your face. 

Snow White, let me tell you what your face is doing. Your face is trying to express all the feelings of a teenager towards his/her parents and all the feelings of a parent towards his/her teenager all in the same clip, while your video is just eight minutes long, and while you don’t have any any any any co-star by your side, forget about the director, camera- and sound-man, screenplay … I think in Hollywood, people call such individuals brilliant actors, do you know why? Because normal *humans usually can’t show the feelings of another person, especially a teenager expressing the feeling of the parents on his face in front of a camera, and do you know what, *normal humans usually need a partner to be able to reflect emotions on their face, otherwise it is hard5

I just lost my temper for a moment … let us come back to this later on, and follow with another story:

Some years ago I visited a psychotherapist [on my own will], because I thought there is something wrong with me and I was telling her that I think I have ADHS or etc or etc … and after the two or third session, her suggestion was that I should make an IQ-teste because I am gifted. I refused because I believed giftedness doesn’t exist. She tried to explain me that there are very good scientific evidence to suggest such phenomena and that back the idea that you can get a fairly valid result from IQ-test about someone’s giftedness degree, maybe not always but it would be worth to try. She discussed it two or three times, but there was no way to make me accept that such a thing as „giftedness“ exist or even worse that you can measure it with the help of a test6. Later on she tried to get me accept an IQ-test by reading the books and the background researches on these tests, I did that but then I turned back to her and explained her: „I won’t do so because …“

In the beginning, it was her suggestion that I should consider the possibility to be a gifted individual7 … later after few sessions, she was sure that I am indeed a gifted individual and she doesn’t feel the need for an IQ-test to be satisfied with her judgment from a psychotherapist point of view and my response to her was that I disagree with her. I don’t believe there is such a thing as „giftedness“, and that I believe that it is a term that politicians and bunch of other people try to make personal profit out of it …

Snow White, she wasn’t the first person who suggested me that I might be gifted, in fact, there was a long history around this theme in my life which I rather tried not to tell her, because „I didn’t want to discuss the whole time with her that I am gifted, while in fact, I am not; I wanted her to find out what is wrong with me“, but I was wrong about that, and first after I met A. S. My heart started to take down its guards and agree with her opinion about me, eventually, my heart took down all its guards for her … but that’s not relevant for anyway, so here is the thing I didn’t tell to that psychotherapist and I even haven’t really told to A. S., but I think it might help you to resonate with the fact that gifted individuals are usually so in denial about being gifted, and that it is absolutely normal, if you don’t think of yourself this way, either; So here you go:

„I lived and grown up for couple of years in a town with around 9-16 million populations, there was an entrance test for a gifted school in which nearly all the children took part at then of their fifth class, so I entered that school (the school is not that big in comparison to the population), later on, there is another test at the end of the next 3 years, another entrance exam, and I was accepted too … I believe I had good teachers, I studied a lot, so I wasn’t gifted, it was that they would choose people who learn more than other … as it is usual in my school, the student of this school usually win most of the national prizes in mathematics and physics, and there was a teacher who believed I am one of the ten best students of that year in mathematics … the first year I liked learning math, I enjoyed it, I even win the entrance of an exam where nearly none of my classmate passed, but I didn’t believe I am gifted. I always believed I am average … later on, I didn’t like to work on math more but my parents thought it would a waste of my gifts if I don’t study math, it was a period of wasting time in classes I didn’t want to visit and not attending the classes I wish I would have but in the end, I didn’t pass one of the entrance exams and I was relieved no more to study for such superfluous competitions … these expectations of using my gifts never left me in peace from my parents’ side but I never believed I am gifted. I considered these to be natural. Like the sunshine or things like this. For me, there was nothing exceptional to consider it as gift …“

I met A. S.8, some months after I started visiting that psychotherapist, and one of the very afternoons we spent with each other, she asked me, whether I think I am gifted … I tried to behave so as if she didn’t ask such question, I just went to silence, I didn’t wish to tell her that I am visiting a psychotherapist and that she thinks I am gifted but I believe, I am not gifted. Like always A. S. perhaps could read my thoughts from my face, she tried to make me comfortable about accepting that I am gifted, so she told me the much she could. That there was a boy back in her high school who was gifted and behaved like this and that and then he went to another school and was recruited by … she tried to tell me of a documentary she watched on TV about giftedness and that she shares some of those traits with gifted by she doesn’t think she is gifted … if I don’t remember wrong, she once again asked me if I am gifted or not, and I think, I told her, I don’t like to talk about it …

All these and lots of lots other incidents didn’t change my mind about myself, I was sure that I am not gifted. There are lots of stories that I can tell you, lots of people would have thought, I am wired, or I am not social, or I am desperately impolite … even people thought my ideas are wrong, whereas some time later they turned back and said, „oh, you were right.“ once it was about an important matter in designing computers and one of my very gifted classmates turned back to me after six years and said „do you remember you told me about this idea that ……. And I told you that it is not possible and if possible, it is very silly … I saw a documentary that a group of professors in the US are trying to make the first prototype with that idea …“ Snow White, sometimes it takes years for others to realize that you were right and sometimes it happens when you are long dead … and sometimes others are right and you don’t recognize it too and lots of other possibilities … and sometimes you are just a little right and others also just a little right …

But you know, after all these, I never considered myself being gifted. Before that, *Giftedness *was a taboo theme for me, because I thought it is something that politicians misuses it —indeed they do—, and I thought it doesn’t really exists. After that the psychotherapist tried to patiently explain me, why she is so sure that I am gifted, and the conversations between me and the woman I love and how she treated me after, I started to look for books about giftedness and finally one of these books changed my view about giftedness and piece by piece I started to give up on my guard against giftedness, a process which took around three years and I sometimes I feel I am still at the beginning of it …

Snow White, I am not telling you my life story … what I am trying to tell you is that I was labeled with the word *gifted *for seven years in my school time, that time when I started to read about giftedness, it was about two years after finishing my school … nine years, and not a second I thought of myself being gifted, I went to the psychotherapist and tried to explain her that „I think there is something wrong with me and I don’t know what …„ and I came up with all the possible problems in my mind, from ADHD to social phobia, or inability to make decisions or etc and etc but never I considered being gifted. The general public assumes that high-achievers are gifted individuals, whereas in fact, what someone achieves is not necessarily in direct relations with the fact that they are gifted or not. Any one in any place and in any condition might be a gifted individual. Snow White, you are gifted and there are lots of people like you who are gifted and don’t know it, and won’t accept it, I can understand that it will take you a long while to accept deep in your heart that you are gifted, after all, people have told you that you are someone else … First after nine years that people were telling me that I am gifted, I first started to accept it, so if I had doubted that you were gifted, I would have not insisted on it in this manner.

Snow White, do you know what you are saying in that video? 

„My parents and I get along so well like I go and see them as often as I possibly as I can and I love seeing them like it brightens my entire day …“

Let me tell you the reality of normal people’s life, a lot of people first start to say that sentence when they are having children, a lot of people start to say that, when their children are turning into teenagers, a lot of people start to say that when their children are getting married, a lot of people start to say that when their parents are close to death, and the rest usually start to regret not doing that, first when their parents have died. This is not what a normal teenager would say … not because they don’t like their parents, but usually because it takes time to mentally and emotionally grow up, and do you know what? You can understand and feel the feelings and emotions of someone in a different age than you, far better than average gifted individuals … You can say that „an abnormality with gifted children is that their mind can grow up when their body is still so young.“ but in fact, it is not their mind is able to grow faster than their age but that their brains have abilities that average gifted individuals doesn’t have, at least, not in that way. Gifted children can understand how parents feel when they are still a child, whereas normal people first start to realize how does their parents feels, when they turn to be parents themselves and Snow White, from what I have seen from Asperger, they can’t really do that. You can’t be an Asperger, it is simply not possible. It could be that a gifted individual shares lots of traits of Asperger, Autism, ADHD or any other psychological [especially neurodevelopmental] disorder but this is just a way of presenting their giftedness when usually they have not been given enough space, opportunities and possibilities in their lives to live in harmony with their gifts. Let me give you an example, if you force a highly romantic person, for example a poet, a singer and songwriter to join the army and participate in a battle and kill others and watch his/her teammates being killed and this person gets emotionally destroyed it is not that this person was a bad individual, it is just that this person is not made to bear the pains of a war, and it is because of their higher sensitivity to emotions9 … the same way gifted are usually over qualify for tasks others force them or expect them to do, and the result is not rarely one or another sort of disorder and a false diagnoses by a psychotherapist. The problem is not the gifted, the problem is that we force them to do things, which they shouldn’t. Please, never believe that you are anything else, but gifted.

I think, the reason for the existence of gifted individuals in the world is also usually in their motivations … gifted individuals are usually motivated by doing extraordinary good things in the world, and that’s why we need too. Look at what you doing

I think it is a little unrealistic view you have about yourself that you make bad decisions. Snow White, I don’t agree with all things you do but I do think you are a valuable person, with valuable senses for life and I would appreciate a lot, that you respect who you are. Sure you are not always going to make the wise decisions, but there are people you can ask for advice, there are books you can read, knowledges you can understand and discover, even in very least likely moments, you may as well team up with someone for some decisions, or choices, or how ever you want to call them … For me it is really important that you live up to who you are and not whom others believe you are. Snow White unless you have a gifted individual judging you, someone who is aware, that you won’t fit in any definition, you will always be misunderstood by others, not only in respect of what you say or do, but about who you truly are …

You call yourself the „blond“ „aspie“ and „girl“ and you directly conclude from that, that you can’t make right decisions. I don’t want to discuss everything with you, but let me give you some example of bad decision making: bad decision making is living a life when the most important thing you do is „posing in tight dresses on Instagram and dying for Justin Bieber and all the other stuff …“, do you think it is just a girl thing. Okay, let me tell you what is bad decision making. Bad decision making is being graduated from Stanford and working in Goldman Sachs and instead of leaving the company, leading the whole world faster than even into economic crises and after that, not accepting any tiny little bit of responsibility. Bad decision-making is when all you care about is how to increase your profit than how to do something good … Bad decision making is to „buy things you don't need with money you don't have to impress people you don't like.” This is bad decision making. Snow White, do you ever look at yourself? Do you ever look at what you are trying to do? You are trying to help teenagers and their parents find their way back to each other … to be able to understand and accept each other … you are trying to solve a very widespread epidemic in our societies. Why? Does anyone pay you? Do you charge people expensive fees for giving them your advice? Do you sell your advice in the books to them? I think in our times, as everything is capitalized, people should call what you are doing „philanthropy“, you know what, what you are doing is actually helping people changing their lives and if you could successfully help lots of people to change their lives, what you are doing would be called saving the world. At least one day, one individual could turn back to you and say, „oh, that advice you gave on YouTube, really saved my life.“ Isn’t it worth?

 Snow White, just because people don’t accept you, don’t judge yourself with things that you are not, like believing that you are an Aspie or your decisions are bad, „because you are a girl“ and „because you are a blond“. You are a gifted individual and in addition to that you are a young pretty woman. As far as I know, blondness and giftedness have no causal relationship with  decision making abilities10. Sometimes you should look at your environment differently, rather than judging yourself. Then, like your psychotherapist you can also find solutions.

Snow White, I am 100% sure that you are gifted, and if you think, I am telling you this, because I have a secret plan for you, or whatever the imagination of people might think of, I don’t fear of standing for what I believe in … and since it seems like you already have had lots of psychologists and none told you that you are gifted and not Asperger, I am willing to defend my opinion towards anyone who labels you with something different … Snow White, you can believe in whomever you want to, I cannot change your mind that you are not an Aspie rather gifted, but I can give you as much as I can, as much as I have knowledge, as much as I have experience to let you feel that you are a gifted individual and I hope one day you live the life that you deserve …

Thanks for taking your time and reading my letter

Best wishes


PS. I watched that „last“ video, I want to tell you something: „gifted will never live a normal life …“ but Snow-white there is secret beneath the surface of it, „gifted don’t need to live a normal life, it will make them sick …“ think about it, please. The desire to live alone and be left is also common among gifted, they used to be monks in the past … I don’t know what they do these days when they want to be away from others … I think we can always go to nature … that people is hurting you, is because you are „gifted“ and they can’t accept you, the way you are. You should find the ways to live your giftedness, without being judged by others, or getting treated as if you are wrong. Like your videos, or like becoming a university professor, or like making a career, or like being an entrepreneur, or like … but anyway, gifted are always not taking serious … read the biography of gifted, in which the author describes their childhood, some of them really have had horrible childhoods, some even like Galileo were going to get burned … the society is usually not kind to gifted … especially the gifted like you, who try to do good things … and make what they think is right … prepare yourself to be kicked off lots of time … but you know, the good side of it is that at the end, maybe lots of years later, you are right … but yeah, the time you live, it is awful to be treated that way … I personally encourage you to believe in the God, but if you don’t want to … I personally can tell you, whenever you do something right, even the whole world be against you, I ask my God to pray for you … would that be enough not to give up, Snow-white?“


This is all I wished to tell you before I die11, so I hope it would be to use to you …, now lets talk about what I didn’t want to tell you:

- Do more research about giftedness, please …

- If you still wish to change something in your past videos, you shouldn’t delete them, but perhaps the only change that should be made is to change the title from Asperger to Gifted …

- From what you told about your past psychologists, I guess you never watched the movie, Good Will Hunting, maybe give it a try …

- There is an interesting book about gifted which encourages and promotes the idea that gifted are there to save the world, „The Gifted Adult: A Revolutionary Guide for Liberating Everyday Genius“ by „Mary-Elaine Jacobsen“ maybe you can give it a try … you don’t need to read it all once, give yourself time to slowly and slowly embracing the idea that you are gifted, I know it may take lots of years, or it may click all at once … everyone has its own unique ways of realizing and recognizing their giftedness but nearly all the gifted have one thing in common, they are always in denial about it …

- I respect your judgment about yourself, but I have my own mind and I believe, I should rather use my own mind, cause I am responsible for what I say and what I do and not you for my beliefs or deeds. So I believe you have a wonderful personality and to me it makes sense to help such a wonderful personality to get to know herself better, hopefully, afterward you will cause lots of wonderful things in the world … 

- I didn’t write the past PS, because I think you might kill yourself, I have had my times when I thought so, it was not „times“ rather every day and all day for a couple of years … so „I am not worried that you might one day kill yourself, what I am worried about is that you fear of living your gift, because of people’s reaction … and if one day, it might be possible that you make suicide, I won’t be worried either, in that case I would be A LOT A LOT A LOT SAD and WORRIED and FRUSTRATED and DESPERATE, so you don’t do that …this is a possibility off the table for you, forever … thanks for considering my concerns …“

- And I think it is a wonderful feature in gifted to be in denial about it, it saves them and the society from lots of possible harms, and in deep I believe that gifted should live as invisible citizens in the society, I don’t mean their person, I mean their giftedness should never become public, and the reason why I am giving on all that up here, is because I am not going to live that long12 and a little it is because of you. I didn’t find another way to assure you that I know how you feel, and I know what does it mean, cause I have been there … I wish it helps you … maybe not right now, but slowly, slowly … 


Beyond all other factors, me being able to develop mentally and spiritually about myself and about giftedness … from where I was four years ago is due to the presence of J. W. And E. E. back during those time. Thank you so much …

If it wasn’t A. S. in my life, perhaps I would have still been in detail about being gifted, and that giftedness is something that really exists. If I say thank you for that here to you, my face would be all red, cause I feel a mixture of shyness and shame for just saying thank you, when you change who I am. I am thankful from you, but I hope one day, I do something good for you …

The worshippers’ thanksgiving and Adoration is due only to Allah: The Creator and Nurturer of the worlds [And their inhabitants];

You know, human brains are able to behave as if it is the other person’s brain, temporarily. That’s what happens when we see an accident and we say „oh! What a pain“ that’s because our brain is kind of feeling that pain too. But I think by gifted individuals is such ability extremely developed, so they can resonate with other people’s brain more than anyone else can do and not rarely it causes them trouble too.

<p>You know, you are really picturing a mother’s brain in your brain, in that video, without even being aware of it. You are not trained for doing so, as actors are and you are not grown up in that condition as parents are.</p>

  1. The very first time I published something in that manner, is a footnote on „Everlasting sexual attraction in relationships, may would be more possible …“, which has few words to Miley Cyrus and that’s because I care for her and I think others might also benefit from reading it, or a later on was about Tylor Swift, I didn’t knew her and I referenced to a journalist’s article about her and some other musicians but once I heard her song at McDonald and become interested to get to know her and I realized that judgement of the journalist was totally wrong, so I updated that comment twice afterward … ↩︎

  2. I mean Snow White, but by that time, I hadn’t even looked up for your name. Maybe I was too shocked. ↩︎

  3. ↩︎

  4. I don’t know if you agree with me or not, but in case not, maybe this memory from my past would make you more ready to accept that it was an impressive job from your brain. I had a very close female friend, once in a very intimate conversation about relationships and dating and … She was telling me the same thing, but do you know her age? She was just some years more experienced than you! Snow White, she was 32, and she was telling such things, as if they are her first discoveries and you were telling these when you were not even legal age. ↩︎

  5. it is easier to give a flirting look to a handsome guy than to a wall … ↩︎

  6. And I still don’t believe that these tests make trustworthy results. The problem is that these tests can just measure giftedness on a very limited portion of the population and even there, not always with good confidential results … ↩︎

  7. A generally not bad definition of giftedness could be high and intense emotional and mental capacity, but we don’t wish to go into detail about it here … and we don’t wish to introduce the academic background about it here too … ↩︎

  8. The woman I believed is the love of my life and she believed, she is the love of someone else’s life. I don’t such facts any more in my life, so you can read a little about what I thought of her, here: ↩︎

  9. In fact, it is not that an emotionally sensitive individual would easier get emotionally destroyed in wars, but that their recovery process is far too complex and far too different that nobody can help or understand them to get over those events … ↩︎

  10. A good model around how we make decisions is the „Personality System Interactions“ theory developed by „Julius Kuhl“. There are other people’s who developed such theory with exactly the same name but I accidentally find out about this person, and about others I don’t know how the quality of their work is. ↩︎

  11. I am not saying that I am going to die today or tomorrow, I just say so, when something is really valuable to me. There are tasks that I really want to do before I die and one of them was to let you see, who you are … ↩︎

  12. But life and death are in the hand of the God ↩︎


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